Countering Your Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk.  Why is it so easy for us to put ourselves down with words in our mind, yet so difficult to get into the habit of talking to ourselves with positive, encouraging and loving words?  We all have those moments when we can only hear  how “dumb” we are or how “incompetent” we are or how “ugly” we are.   Negative self-talk is going to happen.  We can all struggle with it.  However, those of us who struggle with depression seem to have an even more difficult training our mind to counter our negative self-talk with positive self-talk.  For years, decades, my negative self-talk was SO loud in my mind.   My negative self-talk affected my self-esteem, my mental health and my confidence. I’m no longer like this.  It takes practice, discipline and consistency to make this mind shift, but you can do it too.  Here are the techniques I have used to help change my mindset from being controlled by my negative self-talk to being able to counter it with positive self-talk with almost no effort.  It has become automatic.  It’s really an easy 2 step process that has helped me incredibly with changing my mindset.  Here’s what I did.  

*Saying daily positive affirmations.  If you have followed my blog for awhile, you know how powerful I find positive affirmations to be for our mindset.  It sounds crazy until you start saying them on a regular basis.  Our mind hears what we say and will believe what we say to it.  We can either feed our brain with positive ideas, words and thoughts or we can feed it with negative, discouraging words and thoughts.  Which do you want?  I had heard how powerful saying positive affirmations can be from the leaders in the direct sales company I work for.  I have heard it from successful entrepreneurs like Tony Robbins, Jenna Kutcher, Gloria Mayfield Banks among many others.  The key to positive affirmations working to change your mindset is to be consistent with saying them.  If you only say them once in awhile, you will see no change.  However, if you get into the practice of saying them every morning and every evening before going to bed, you will slowly begin to believe them. Your mind will begin to believe what you are saying and your brain will begin to correct the negative self-talk when it occurs.  The brain will realize it is a lie and will counter it.  Remember, when you create your positive affirmations, you need to write them using the following steps.  First, they need to be in the first person.  So, “I am” or “I do” and not in the third person.  Second, the need to be in the present tense.  Stay away from words that express the future.  You want to write them as if it is already true!  Third, make sure they are positive.  Here are a few of mine that I say daily: “I am worthy,” “I am a successful entrepreneur,” “I am intelligent and I learn quickly and productively.”  You can make them more specific to a specific goal such as, “I am a successful author and business woman.  My business make me a 6 figure income.”  Crest affirmations for your goals.  Create them for your negative self-talk and mindset.  Then, practice them daily. Say them over and over out loud. It’s crucial you say them out loud so your brain hears them.  By doing this daily, and twice a day if possible, you will begin to develop the habit and soon it will become second nature.  When I struggle during the day, my mind automatically begins to say my affirmations.   

*Practicing daily mindfulness activities.  I talk a lot about mindfulness.  It is a practice I started at the end of 2018 or the beginning of 2019.  Mindfulness is simply being aware  of what you are doing, thinking and saying at each minute of the day.  You are completely present and don’t let your mind wander so you can be aware of what you are doing.   In our fast pace society, it is difficult for most of us to slow down and be aware of every thought, action and moment of the day.  How many times have you had trouble remember even what you had for lunch?!  We have so many balls in the air and we often just go through the motion.  By practicing mindfulness, we can change that.  Just like getting into the habit of saying our positive affirmations, getting into the habit of being mindful in our daily life takes practice. Start today by staying in the moment as you eat or as you drive or as you are thinking.  It is so easy to let our minds wander but by being mindful you will have more control over your thoughts.  

Here is what will happen if you practice both of these techniques: You will be in tuned to the positive affirmations you are saying each morning and evening and you will begin to “hear” the negative thoughts when they come into your head.  Because you will be mindful of your thoughts after practicing mindfulness and you will begin to catch yourself when you have the negative self-talk that pops into your mind.  Because you will be more mindful of the negative self-talk, you will catch yourself and stop it before you let it take over your thoughts.  The way you stop it is by turning it into a positive thought or by saying your positive affirmations.  This is why I like to write mine on index cards and then laminate them. That way I can keep them with me at all times and read them as I need them throughout the day.  

I’d like to challenge you to try both this week.  First, take time to create your positive affirmations.  You can download this free template HERE that will help you walk through the steps of creating a powerful affirmation.  Say it out loud daily.  Then, commit to being more mindful throughout the day.  Be in the moment when you eat. Be in the moment when you speak. If you feel your thoughts wandering, bring them back.  Try to be aware of when you say something negative to yourself either out loud or in your mind.  It takes practice, but you can create a positive mindset by stopping the negative self-talk by practicing these two simple steps.  I’d love for you to share your affirmations on my Ending Stigma Together FB page HERE.  Share how you counter your negative thoughts.  Let’s learn from each other.  We are stronger together.