Category: Mental Health Page 19 of 23

This past October I turned 50 years old.  That’s half a century friends!  One great advantage of getting older, is actually getting smarter.  The longer we live, the more chances we have to learn.  What I love most, is how much I have learned about myself and how to make myself the best self I can be. This takes work, persistence and the ability to look at our challenges and triumphs and what has helped along the way.  Many of my top life lessons are lessons that are really helpful to everyone, but these habits have truly helped me with my mental health, so I wanted to share. I have also asked friends who live with depression, anxiety or other brain illnesses that can affect or day to day lives.  I thought I would share 10 of the habits that I have found to help me over the years in hopes that someone else will be helped.

Creating a morning routine.  I have always been a morning person, but having a successful morning has always set my day off to the right direction.  Knowing what helps you start the day off right is important. For me, that means having some quiet time, exercising, making sure my “to do” list is ready and a healthy breakfast.  For years I skipped breakfast.  It was just an easy meal to skip, but it truly does start your mind and body off the right way.  On the mornings that I oversleep or don’t include these activities, my day simply doesn’t go as well. My emotions just don’t stay where they need to be to successfully get through my day.  What is your morning routine? Do you have one? What do you think you might add to your mornings to make your day better.

Eating healthy foods and stay away from processed foods.  I started eating mostly plant based two years ago in the summer of 2017.  I have always eaten a pretty “clean” diet.  One that didn’t contain fried foods, highly processed food or other junk food.  Sweets are something I also tend to stay away from because the sugar really wears down my emotions. Healthy food simply helps improve our mental health.  We need to feed our bodies with good nutrition.  Remember, the brain is an organ, so be good to it. 

Exercising in some way at least six days a week.  Many people feel they don’t have time to exercise.  I have learned over the years that I don’t have time NOT to exercise!  It can be even something short like a 20 minute walk, or a mini yoga video on YouTube.  Make it a priority.  It will help get that serotonin pumping in your brain and release all the happiness that sometimes gets stuck!

Reading motivational books.  I love to read.  I love to learn, so most of what I read tends to be non-fiction.  Motivational books can give you a new perspective on how you can live a better life.  You can ask friends and family for some book ideas but I have a few of my favorites that I will list here.  The Miracle Morning, by Hal Elrod.  This is an excellent book if you are looking to start a morning routine!! Big Magic, by Melli’s Gilbert, You Are A Badass, by Jen Sincero, and anything by Brene Brown are great place to start. 

Meditating for at least 5 minutes a day.  This was a hard one for me to get started because I’m mind is always racing with ideas or thoughts.  Meditating has taught me how to sit still and clear my mind.  It took quite a few months to get this and also to get used to sitting still for 5 minutes.  Now, you can meditate for longer, but 5 minutes is my max before I get too restless. Sometimes I meditate in private and other times I play some soft spa music. There is a ton of benefit of learning how to be still and quiet.  Give it a try. 

Drinking plenty of water.   Staying hydrate can be difficult if you work certain jobs but it is so important to our physical and mental health. I have a large cup with a lid that I refill all day long.  Again, your brain is an organ so you have to make sure it gets what it needs.  Drinking water throughout the day, will help you to be able to think more clearly too. Water flushes out toxins and makes your body work better.  This includes your brain.  So, grab a large drinking container and start drinking water tomorrow. 

Journaling almost every day.  Ideally, you should journal daily, but realistically if I journal for 5 days out of 7 days, then I call it a successful week. You don’t need a fancy journal.  One of those Composition Books you can get for a dollar or two at the store will work just fine.  You can find journal prompts online but one thing I write down daily is at least 3 things I am grateful for each day.  Sometimes it is simply for the weather.  It is another great way to clear your mind so you can better focus on what you need to do.

Getting some fresh air daily.  There is nothing better for your mental health than getting some fresh air.  Now, this may be harder if you live where it can get extremely cold, but even just a few minutes of breathing in the fresh air can do a lot of good for your brain.  Take a short walk or just take a couple of deep breaths. Now that I live in Florida, I am able to get outside every day and it has made such a huge difference in my mental health.

Watch, or listen, only positive, uplifting shows and music.  I do my best to stay away from upsetting shows or depression songs.  I try to stay away from the news.  I will watch a national morning news show to get informed, but the humor and other stories they cover make it less depressing.  Comedies are my favorite shows to watch when keeping my mental health in check.  Then upbeat music is just good for the soul! Dance to it and you can count that as your exercise!

Talking about your emotions.  I learned the hard way at age 17 that keeping your hard emotions to yourself will only slowly destroy you from the inside.  See a therapist. Often they can not only help you process the emotions, but also give you techniques to handle them when they arise.  It is also just so therapeutic to be able to talk about what is bothering you.  There are now online/virtual therapist too, so it is easier than ever to see a professional.  If therapy isn’t your thing, then just have a “go to” friend or family member with whom you can vent to when you need to vent.  Whatever you do, just don’t hold in those emotions.  Your mental health will thank you for it.                                                                  

What kind of habits have you created to help your mental health stay strong?  i would love to hear them.  

Recently I began setting alarms throughout the day in order to pause during the chaos of life and check in with how I am feeling.  I stumbled upon this idea while reading a book on being more productive and successful.  It had nothing to do with your feelings or your mental health, but the idea came to me to transfer it to just that.  There are apps you can download that will remind you to check in throughout the day.   I have been using an app called, Mind Jogger.  There are a number of them out there, but this is the one that was recommended to me, so it is the one I went with.  It allows me to set random reminders throughout the day. I also set reminders to read my goals and affirmations throughout the day.  I don’t know about you, but I forget everything I want to do as I go through the day unless I have reminders.  

So, why even check in with your feelings throughout the day?  Here’s what I thought when I first decided to try this.  If I can stop and acknowledge how I am feeling at random moments throughout the day, maybe I could stay ahead of this big feelings that can often sneak up on me and become too much and alter the way I wanted my day to go.  I quickly realized that this was helpful.  I set the reminders to go off at six random times throughout the day.  When the alarm chimes, I stop what I am doing and quickly reflect on how I am feeling at that very moment.  Am I happy? Depressed? Overwhelmed? Anxious? Peaceful? Content?  Once I recognize how I am feeling, I adjust to what I may need to adjust in order to feel positively.  If I am feeling anxious or depressed, I can stop and do some deep breathing or meditating.  Stepping outside for some fresh air can often help.  Whatever I do, the point is to be able to recognize how I am feeling at that moment and then quickly tackle those feelings and get myself back on track for the day. 

I started to practice this activity back in December.  I am shocked at how well it is helping me to stay regulated.  It is a matter of allowing yourself to be self-aware throughout the day so that you can stay ahead of those negative emotions that can sometimes sneak up on us! I have had a few days that when my reminder alarm when off and when I checked in with myself, I realized I was starting to feel some depression creeping in.  I can make sure I remembered to take my medication and then decide what quick activity I can do in order to get my brain and emotions regulated. I’m not saying this is a sure fire way for everyone and I certainly still struggle with depression. However, what I have learned is that by staying aware of my emotions six times through the day, has allowed me more control of how I feel because I am able to get ahead of it sometimes. It has been very helpful for me, so I wanted to pass it onto all of you! I’d love to hear ways that you keep your emotions in check throughout the day! 

Life can catch up with us and overwhelm us without even realizing it.  When it does, it seems like dominos falling all around us.  When we can keep up with work, we then get behind at home, with family, and then eventually, ourselves.  Over the past three years, I have been focused to gaining back control of my life.  There isn’t a whole lot we can control.  We make plans and life happens.  However, we can work to control our surroundings and what we put in them.  Most of us have too much stuff!! We don’t like to admit it, but we do.  We also tend to keep too much emotional clutter too.  Learning to let go of things, complicated relationships, and obligations we don’t really need to be obligated to can clear up our mind and soul and give it more room to focus on keeping our brain healthy and will give us more time to take care of ourselves.  

What can you get rid of? How can you make changes in order to make your life simpler? I have always prided myself on not being a hoarder.  I love clearing out closets and filling up bags to be donated.  When my kids outgrew toys, they got donated.  Clothes that no longer fit anyone?  Gone.  However, our life had been so chaotic for close to a decade, that when we sold our house and made plans to move to Orlando, I decided it was the perfect opportunity to simplify my life even more. Here are a few ways to go through your life and assess which areas you can simplify in your life in order to give yourself more energy and time to focus on your brain health and mental well being.

Do you need it?  When going through our things, we often have items that we thing we need or may need again in the future.  We sometimes hold onto them for years but never use them.  They say that if you haven’t used it in a year.  For me, I decided anything I hadn’t used in the previous year, then it either got donated, sold, or thrown away.  There are a few exceptions.  For example, we have some camping equipment and we don’t camp that often. However,  I kept that.  Other items, such as old toys from my boys, books, Knick knacks, etc, I got rid of all but a few that I thought would look nice in our new place.  When you are trying to minimize, your definition of “need” and “want” can begin to blur.  You need to really be committed to getting rid of that which you don’t truly need.  Do you NEED 20 pair of jeans or 10 black t-shirts? Probably not.  Start with your bedroom closet and slowly work your way through the house. You will feel lighter as you go along. 

Does it give you happiness?  When simplifying, another good tip is to ask yourself if what you want to keep brings you happiness and joy.  This can also apply to relationships and obligations that we seem to either feel required to be part of or have been asked to help out with.  Look at your life.  What is in your life that doesn’t make you happy?  Who in your life doesn’t make you happy or causes you much stress?  If it doesn’t make you happy, then give it away.  This goes for relationships too.  Now, I’m not saying cut ties with people who may annoy you.  Just make a conscious effort to expend your energy and time to those who bring you happiness and joy and who treat you well. Our time is precious so make sure you give it to those you give you the best of themselves.  So like above, start in your bedroom and work your way through the house and find items that no longer give you happiness and that you no longer need.

Do you really need to do it? Learn to say NO.  So many of us who struggle with depression and anxiety have trouble saying no.  We are people pleasers and are often afraid of offending someone at the cost of our own health.  One of the greatest skills I have mastered these last 5 years is finally being able to say no.  I simply can’t volunteer for every school function, committee or board. I do not have the mental or physical energy to be the team mom or volunteer to help everyone who needs it.  My heart is always wanting to say YES and help everyone.  What I learned the hard way these last 5 years is that I need to say no in order to keep my brain and body healthy. As I have gotten older, I have realized how much time I need in order to do the activities I need in order to keep my depression under control.  I need to exercise, have time to make healthy meals and get enough sleep in order to keep everything balanced inside.  In order to do that, I had to learn to say no to certain requests and opportunities.  It was not easy to do, but the more you say no, the easier it will become.  You aren’t selfish for saying no to extra obligations. You are being smart and self-caring. So, an important part of simplifying your life to help your mental health includes minimizing obligations so you can have the time you need to care for yourself.

Another way I simplified our life was downsizing our home.  We were moving from Alabama to Florida.  We originally set out to buy a house.  Then, one day, I had an epiphany.  Why do we need a house?  We had a 2 bedroom condo that my husband had been living in since he had moved.  We loved the complex and were enjoying the ease of having no yard work or a lot of housework to do on the weekends.  I saw it as a way for life to be simpler and it would also force me not to buy things I really don’t need.  We simply don’t have room for extra stuff.  When I go to the store and I get tempted, I stop and think, “will this really fit in the condo?”.  It’s almost always a “no”.  If fact, just this week I realized I need to go through the closets again and thin some items down.  It has been such a weight off of our shoulders.  We have less space which forces us to be together more and with less space, it forces me to not bring anything into the condo that we don’t need.  It has been so refreshing to not even be tempted by some items that I normally would want to purchase and bring home.  I simply admire it and move on now.  By downsizing where we live, we have given ourselves more free time on the weekends and during the week.  Of course, I know this isn’t an option for everyone and many are already in small places and can’t downsize their space any more.  However, I also know many who still feel “bigger is better” when it comes to their homes.  

How does simplifying help our mental health or, brain health as I like to call it?  Well, one way is it allows us to think clearer and easier because we are not surrounded by clutter or a space that is overwhelming.  There have been many studies on clutter and depression.  However, it’s  kind of a catch 22.  Clutter can make you depressed or anxious, but when you are depressed or anxious, you can’t keep up with your life.  It becomes a hard cycle to break.  This is where simplifying come into play.  The less stuff you own, the smaller place you have, the less obligations you commit to, the more energy and time you will have to keep your space and live a more peaceful, happy and calm life. So, take some time and go through your living place and the rest of your life.  See how less can be more when it comes helping your mental health. 

Last month, I had the privilege of speaking with Dr. Chris Ferguson.  Dr. Ferguson is a Psychology professor at Stetson University in Florida and is an expert on survivor’s guilt.  We spoke the week after the tragic deaths of Sydney Aiello from Parkland, FL and Jeremy Richman from Newtown, CT.  Both were survivors, or connected, to two of our countries worse school shootings.  (Really, should school shootings even be a thing?! That’s a different post!).  

My main interest was to ask him how we, as a society, can help individuals who are struggling with survivor’s guilt or PTSD.  Survivor’s guilt can be defined as expressed shame or feeling bad about their actions during a traumatic event.  The individual will often feel bad about their actions or wish they could have been the one who had died.  Trauma and PTSD will elevate the risk for suicide, so we need to be more vigilant around these individuals. So, what can we do or say to them? What are the signs we need to look for?  How can we support our loved one and neighbors who may be struggling?  Dr. Ferguson stressed the importance of us needing to talk, talk and talk some more.  He suggested we not be afraid to bring the subject up.  Too often we are afraid by “bringing it up” will remind the individual of the event. That is simply not the case.  They are already thinking about it.  By being direct and starting the conversation, it gives the individuals a safe place to express how they are feeling.  He suggested simply saying to them, “You’ve been through a lot. I’d like to talk about it and I want you to feel safe talking about it.”  Keeping the lines of communication open and loving is especially important with teenagers. Dr. Ferguson stated that teens are often already less expressive and less willing to open up so it is important for parents to make and concerted effort to be more connected with the teen and to try to keep the lines of communication fully open.

We also need to be aware of any changes in the individuals behavior after the traumatic event. So, what types of behaviors should we look for in our loved ones?  Dr. Ferguson said we need to look for expressions of shame either about themselves in general or over the outcome of the tragedy.  Social isolation and withdrawing from friends and family.   Individuals that are struggling with survivor’s guilt will also avoid activities, people and places that remind them of the traumatic event. Reminders can be anywhere or occur at anytime. That is why it is so important to make sure your friend or family member is receiving professional help that supports them and helps them learn coping strategies to overcome these moments.  Sadly, we all know this isn’t always enough, but counseling significantly decreases the risk of an individual acting on their suicidal thoughts. Sometimes individuals only need a few sessions, while others will need years.  The brain is a complex organ and one we still don’t fully understand which is why having community supporting those who are hurting emotionally is crucial.  Anedonia is a term that Dr. Ferguson used during our conversation around behaviors we should watch for.  It was not a term I was familiar with despite having my own graduate degree in counseling. I probably should be embarrassed by this fact, but I’m just not one to get embarrassed by what I don’t know.  Anyway, back to the point(I am easily sidetracked!). Anedonia is the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable by the individual.  If the individual is no longer engaging in their hobbies or activities that once brought them joy, then there should be some concern.  We all need to be knowledgeable and aware of what changes we need to be looking for. 

Mental health awareness and support is a community concern.  Dr. Ferguson and I both agreed that it is going to take every single one of us to help this current crisis. I asked Dr. Ferguson what he thought we all needed to do or how we, as a society, need to change.   One of the first things he stressed is that we all have to be more engaged and aware f those around us.  Get to know your neighbors or the new co-worker.  Reach out to those you think may be struggling and see if they are ok.  Be kind.  It sounds so simple yet, can be so difficult for many.  We need to get back to being able to have civil discussions and  be able to stay supportive even if we disagree with someone else.   One thing Dr. Ferguson said that  I really fascinating was his view on how society looks at teenagers.   He pointed our how it is socially acceptable to bash teens.  I see this happening a lot online.  Adults asking what is wrong with kids “these days” or, how young people are lazy and our future is in trouble.  Teens hear all of these insults.  Maybe instead of tearing them down, we all need to start building them up.  By constant negativity, we shut down lines of communication between many adults and teens.  We need to get rid of the larger narrative so teens feel comfortable combing to adults when they are struggling and need to talk.  Communication is one of the most important skills we need as a society in order to help those who are struggling.  Dr. Ferguson stated that we all need to see how we can reverse the negativity towards teens and instead, see them as the future and as kids who are becoming adults and really just need some extra support and empathy.  

So, let’s do what we can.  We can all be kind.  We can all listen.  We can all learn the signs to be aware of and become engaged with those around us.  Most of all, we can all take the time to talk and communicate with others, but especially our teenagers.  They are the first generation to grow up having to hide in classrooms during mass shooter drills.  This isn’t normal and we can’t expect them to grow into adulthood without needing some extra support and understanding.  

***Since completing this post 2 weeks ago, there have been 3 more shootings in public places.  One at a synagogue, the second at a college and the third at a Colorado charter school. Three individuals died while trying to protect others and stop the shooter.***

May is now considered Mental Health Awareness Month.  These days, every month has multiple causes just as every single day is designated for something.  Today is National Lost Sock Memorial Day, National Moscato Day and National Sleepover Day.  And of course, it is Teacher Appreciation and Nurses Week, too. Two professions that should have a complete month!

While I think these designated days and months bring awareness(and some fun! Wine and sleepover anyone?), we need to continue to be aware of these issues and do what we can to help others every single day, each week and every month.  Just as teachers and nurses need to be appreciated for all they do every single day, we need to be aware of our own mental health, and that of those around us, every single day.  It is just as important to take care of our brain as it is to take care of our heart and other vital organs.  I’ve always found it odd that society doesn’t place more emphasis on maintaining good brain health.  I mean, the brain controls everything.  We can get kidney transplants, liver transplants and other organs, but we can’t ever replace our brain.  Our most important organ, often gets overlooked.  The stigma that society still holds against mental illness is a big reason for this neglect. 

So, let’s use this month to bring awareness to mental illness and mental health.  Let’s talk about our struggles and our triumphs.  Let’s help and support each other on this journey of life.  If you aren’t sure how you can help, I’ll give you a few suggestions.

1. Read a book or two on depression, anxiety or any other mental illness. Educating yourself is the best way to help end the stigma.  The more we all know, the more we can support out community.
2. Watch a few TED talks that focus on mental health.  You can just search for them and they will pop up.  Again, education is a big part of ending the stigma.
3. Share with others what you learn.  Talking about it more and more will lead to a better understanding of mental health and you can help others grasp a better understanding. 
4. Share your own story.  Have you struggled with depression or anxiety or any other mental health issue? Share it with others.  You will be surprised how many people are just waiting for an opening to share their own journey.  Often it just takes someone else sharing first.  Be that person! 

I dream of a world where there is no more stigma.  A community that will wrap it’s arms around someone who is struggling with mental illness as much as we do with someone with cancer,  instead of walking away.  One where there are enough resources and programs to help all that need it.  A society where there is no stigma so people feel just as comfortable with saying to their boss or friends, “Hey, my depression is really bad today, so I am going to stay home”, as they are with saying, “I have the flu, so I need a few days to recover.”  

There is a saying that goes something like this: If nothing changes, then nothing changes.  Let’s start making the changes needed.  I challenge you to use this month to learn more about mental health. Read, talk, watch, engage, volunteer.  Anything that will broaden your understanding and empathy.  Then, carry it throughout the year. Let’s not have any more time pass. Together we can end the stigma.  What can you do this month?