Category: Mental Health Page 20 of 23

Do you know what triggers your depression? One minute you are feeling and the next you feel like you have a weight holding you down. It is important to understand what situations and events might trigger you so you can avoid them or be mentally prepared for when they do.  (Knowing your triggers is important with all mental health issues, but I will be sticking with depression today since that is what my I experience the most.)We also need to be aware of what actions we can take when we face one of these triggers because we don’t always have a warning.  Over my lifetime, I have gotten a pretty strong idea of what kinds of things trigger my depression and how I can best stay ahead of it, or at least what I can do to shorten its duration.  For example, rainy weather brings me down.  When it is rainy and gloomy outside, all of my indoor lights go on and there will also be upbeat music or a comedy on the TV.  Plus, some good, healthy food will be consumed.  I know that these ideas will slowly pull me back up or at least slow down my descent into the darkness.  

But, what happens when you get triggered out of nowhere? What if someone says something or does something and suddenly you just feel that weight of depression weighing down on you? What do you do?  How do you cope? Today, this is what happened to me, so I wanted to share with you some of my quick and easy strategies that have helped me work through those unexpected emotions before it was even the afternoon. First, let me share a little of what happened and how I immediately felt. I went to a stretching studio for my first session. I have never gone and gotten my muscle stretched professionally. (I highly recommend it if you suffer from fibromalygia like I do!)  Anyway, as I was backing out, a truck backed out too and we hit each other. The police came and ruled it equal fault and we went on our way. Except, my emotions did not. For most people, this would be no big deal.  Just move on.  Forget about it.   Get the car fixed. Life happens.  However, I’m not someone who is very good at just letting things like this go.  I am extremely sensitive and a people pleaser by nature. My bumper needs to be replaced and I felt like we just can’t catch a break.

Unfortunately, unexpected events like this will still stick with me for awhile.  Sometimes hours and sometimes even days.  I have really been working on processing through these sudden feelings as quickly as possible so that they do not take control of the rest of my day.  Below are a few quick and easy strategies I use to “reset” my mental state quickly so I can continue to have a peaceful and productive day. 

1. Assess. Stop and take the time to look at what may have triggered you and decide what you might be able to do to resolve it. Will saying or doing something help you move on faster?  If so, then do it.  I have been trying to stop and take the time I need to assess what may have triggered my depression.  By stopping what I am doing and taking the time right then and there, I am able to get a better hold on my emotions. I am able to look at the entire scenario and see what I might have been able to differently to avoid it, or realize nothing could have been done to change what just happened. I also look to see what I might be able to do at the moment to reset my mood.  The important thing is to try to find the trigger so you become more aware and better prepare yourself for the future.   For this morning’s incident, I need to keep working on handling unexpected events and quickly assess my situation and keep my emotions in check. I can go from happy to depressed in under 10 seconds, so this is what I need to do.

                                                                                              2.  Breathe.  When I left the parking lot where I had been in the fender bender, I was still a little shaken by the incident.  I was truly holding back tears. So, instead of getting into my car and trying to just continue my day and shoving those feelings down deep, I drove to another section of the parking lot.  I just sat in my car and took some slow, deep breaths and simply took about 5 minutes to do some meditation to reset how I felt mentally and physically.  Not only was I on the verge of tears, but that heavy weight of depression was resting on my chest and shoulders.  Breathing, meditating and praying help to calm my emotions, so I have been trying to do this more in the moment so I can move on quicker. I have become such a big believer in breathing exercises and mindfulness. Both are such useful tools.  I know it may sound silly to many who can just “roll with it”, but for me, a simple fender bender can alter the rest of my day unless I take time to reset myself.

3.  Contemplate.  I like to run through my mind the triggering event once more and try to figure out what I could have done differently or how I can approach a similar situation differently in the future so that the outcome is different.  Usually, there isn’t much I could have done differently. Things happen. What I really need to look at and work on are how I handle my emotions. One thing I could have changed today was I should have taken a few minutes to calm down before getting out of my car upset and crying.  I like plans and schedules.  They give me a sense of peace.  Life is full of the unexpected events, with which we have no control over, but I am learning that thinking about how to better handle a situation differently in the future, helps me to fill up my mental tool box with the strategies and skills that will help me in the future.  

4.  Decide.  Once I have calmed myself down and reviewed the situation, I take a few minutes to decide which one of my coping strategies I want to use or implement in order to push through the feelings of depression.  Some of my top strategies are watching a comedy(laughter gets those endorphins flowing!), exercising(again, gets the right things moving in the brain!) and eating something healthy.  Today, I decided to take a quick walk, eat a healthy snack and listening to some upbeat music.  By 2:00, I was feeling about 90% better. What are some of your favorite coping techniques? Whatever they are, its a good idea to know what they are so you are able to use them when needed. 

Now, let me be clear that just going through these motions without being intentional about it, will probably not help you much.  We have to be intentional when we look at the situation, breathe and meditate, think about how we can handle things better in the future, and what activity I can do at the moment to help move past it. 

We can have more control over our emotions and how they affect our day when we have a plan on how to handle episodes like this when they occur.  We don’t have to let the feelings of depression to consume our day and ruin it.  Tackle it head on when you get triggered. Don’t let it stew inside for long and blow up even bigger.  Our feelings can get big really fast.  Don’t let them. Attack them and deal with them in the moment.  Take the time, even if you feel you don’t have the time.  In the long run, you will be taking care of your mind and body at the moment it needs your attention and that will save you time in the future.  What are some of your strategies to get control of your depression when something triggers it? Make a list so you have them when you need to use them. I’d love to hear some of your top strategies. 

Sydney Aiello, age 19

Jeremy Richman, age 49

Calvin Desir, age 16

Three individuals who felt living was just too hard.  Three individuals who were directly affected by a school shooting.  By trauma. They each died from suicide.  I’ve spent the last week  trying to comprehend how this could have happened.  I am a slow thinker and it takes me awhile to process my thoughts.  What I do know is that we need to do better as a society.  We need to do better as a community.  We need to do better for each other. 

At the top of the articles on each of their deaths, they lead with the suicide hotline and saying anyone who feels suicidal should call.  While that is a wonderful resource, it’s not enough.  Often, individuals who are suicidal, aren’t thinking clearly enough to even remember to make that call.  We need to be there for each other. We need to do more and we need to do better. 

Having mental health counselors come to school for a few days or weeks after a school shooting is helpful and the right thing to do, but it is not enough.  We need trained mental health counselors in every school.  Not just high schools, but middle and elementary schools too.  We need to identify children in crisis as soon as possible and this can not solely fall on the teachers.   Teachers already have a full plate and go above and beyond each day. They need training to help identify those in need, but then a mental health professional needs to be available.   In our communities, it is important that each individuals feels they have a way to get help and find hope again. Too many individuals begin to feel trapped in their emotions. Let’s reach out to others often and make sure they know there are better answers.

Sending prayers and good thoughts after a tragedy is wonderful and I do believe in the power of prayer.  However, it simply isn’t enough and we need to to more.  Prayers without actions is not enough.  We all need to gain a better understanding of how we can help after a community trauma or when a loved one has been affected by trauma.  We need to help each other more.  We need to do better. 

The long term affects of trauma is our true national emergency! You see, everyone is affect by a traumatic event at some point in our lives. Traumatic events can have a ripple effect on our communities.   Some of these events are indirect, but can still affect us.  For example, the attacks on 9/11 were pretty traumatic for all of us, even those of who were nowhere near the attacks.  Other individuals are affected directly by a traumatic events such as being a survivor of a school shooting.  Some individual seem to be able to move on rather quickly.  Others stay emotionally stuck for months and years.   Therapists told us over the years when he was younger that he was emotionally stuck at the age of his trauma. The trauma changed his brain.  This was something we did not understand at the beginning.  We thought loving him and meeting his emotional and physical needs would be enough to help him heal.  Sadly, trauma makes it far more complicated than that.  

You see, we now know that trauma can change the wiring in a person’s brain. I’m not sure why some people can live through something traumatic or have a traumatic upbringing and go onto being highly successful individual, while others become a statistic.  I don’t know why this happens.   Why do some individuals who smoke live until age 90, while others die from lung cancer by age 50?  Why do some kids go through the foster care, suffer abuse and neglect and go on to live successful lives, while others struggle and simply never get past it.  I’m not a scientist or a researcher. What I do know is that we have to get past our misconceptions about the timeline for healing and change our expectations for those who hurt. 

While the “powers that be” argue about gun control, mental health funding, how to make schools better and safer, whose fault all this is, who to blame and whatever else they like to fight over wasting time, people are dying.   We need to start the ripple of change that is needed by opening up communication with others and being kind to everyone we meet. We all need to do more. We need to do better. 

If we wait around for changes to happen from those in charge, nothing is going to change. At least not anytime soon. We all need to make a commitment to make the changes we can control in order to make sure those affected by trauma can heal and continue to not just live, but thrive. 

We used to do things as a community and help each other out. Now, more and more people keep to themselves.  Our communities need to connect again.  We need to know our neighbors.  How are we supposed to know when someone is struggling if we don’t even know their name?  When someone we know has faced something traumatic, we need to check on them regularly. Have conversations and make sure they are aware of resources available to them.  All of us, everyone, needs to understand how trauma affect our brains.  We as a society need to educate ourselves on the effects of trauma and know how to recognize the signs and behaviors that might show someone is struggling.   This has to become a team effort.  It is going to take the whole damn village stepping up.

There are some great books and research out there. I wanted to share three books that I have found helpful in better understanding both the short term and long term effects of trauma on individuals. 

1.  The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, and Body In The Healing Of Trauma b Bessel van Der Kolk, MD.  This is book is full of incredible information on how trauma not only affects the brain, but also our bodies.  He uses his own research, and that of other researches in the field, to help explain the effects.  It is easy to read as far as the vocabulary and the content is fascinating as well as extremely helpful.  In the last section of the book, Dr. van Der Kolk useful resources and techniques that have been shown to help individuals heal from a traumatic event or traumatic past. 

2.  The Epigenetic Revolution:  How Modern Biology Is Rewriting Our Understanding of       Genetics, Disease and Inheritance. This book is definitely for the science loving person.  A lot of it was over my head(I was a D student in science/Biology!), but the science and research is very good and the author explains how the science of Epigenetics helps scientists and researchers understand the mapping of our genetic code and how trauma and other event, can change that mapping permanently and can be passed down for generations actually affecting future generations.  It is a fascinating and scary concept, but one that we need to understand more about. 

3.  Healing Traumatized Children: Navigating Recovery For Children With Turbulent Pasts.  This book is focused on healing children who have gone through trauma. They discuss the importance of having an in-home plan, support network, the right home environment as well as interventions to help heal.  The authors have been working with these individuals and are very knowledgeable on the subject. 

We have raised a child from a traumatic beginning.  We did not know enough about trauma as we needed to know 14 years ago when he moved into our home.   The last 8-10 years have brought more research and valuable information on trauma and how to help someone heal from it. While I wish we knew more about how to help our son heal from day 1, I am passionate about helping others understand and educate as many people as possible on how we can all help our hurting friends and neighbors. 

We can’t sit by and watch others struggling.  We can’t lose any more people to suicide. We can’t wait for the government or other officials to step up and make the changes we need to happen. Trauma is at a crisis level and we all need to do something about it by working together, loving each other, educating ourselves and others and making sacrifices so we can help end these tragedies.  We can do better. We NEED to do better.   Let’s do better together. 

A friend of mine recently wrote about how her life was shaped by other adults who took the time to fill in the gaps where her parents weren’t there.  It got me thinking again about just how important each of us are, and can be, to the youth in our society.  We can all take the time to reach out and help to fill in the gaps that might be missing in their lives. There are just too many children and teenagers who are not getting the love and support they need at home and more of us need to step up and fill in those gaps because when a child has too many missing pieces in their world, they will not grow up to be successful, emotionally healthy adults.  At that point, it will become all of our problem.

  There was a time when we raised our children as a community.  Other parent and adults stepped in when our own parents weren’t around or able.  Growing up, my friends and I were just and afraid of a neighbor catching us doing something wrong as we were our own parents.  The neighborhood watched and made sure all was going well and that the kids weren’t causing any trouble.  If they were, then the adults would speak up and correct us. Now, adults turn their head in order to “not get involved”.  We all have to get involved.  Slowly, we seem to be realizing this as we are teaching our youth to speak up if they see something strange or if a friend or classmate seems to be struggling.  The phrase, “see something, say something” is becoming more common.  I do hope this is a trend.

We are all in this life together whether we like it or not.  By ignoring the gaps we see in both the children in our lives, but also the adults, we are only making the world a more depression and difficult place. We have so many people walking around with cracks in their hearts from trauma and those gaps, that we all need to work together to help heal those around us.  The earlier in a person’s life, the better. 

People have all kinds of ideas as to why there seems to be more depression and anxiety in kids.  This isn’t the only reason, but I do believe that the lack of community we seem to have lost and the way parents now have to parent without a village are definitely contributing factors.  We have less people who are willing to fill in those gaps that were once filled by other adults.  We have less people around to notice when someone is struggling.  Let’s all do what we can to be that person who helps fill in the gaps in a young person’s life.  Let’s fill in the gaps of the lives of our neighbors and friends. Be that person for someone. It could truly be the difference between success or failure, life or death.  

Depression comes at  the most inconvenient time!! It’s kind of like any other illness.  It can be very unpredictable and makes it hard to plan life sometimes.   It is important for us to be prepared and ready to go to battle when it does come over us.  Over the years, I have discovered many activities that help me drudge through these hard times.  Sometimes, they don’t necessarily take the depression away, but they show me a slight reprieve and continue to force myself to take care of myself even when I don’t have the energy.  I wanted to share what my top three Depression Busters are with you and how I came about finding activities that help me. So, here are my top 3 Depression busters!

1. Watch a comedy and laugh!!!   Now, if you love movies, then find a funny movie.  For me, my attention span on a good day is very short, so movies aren’t my thing.  Add depression and my attention span is even less.  For me, I love to watch sitcoms on Netflix.  Without any commercials, the shows only last about 20 minutes. I may watch an entire season on a really bad day, but I still only have to follow a storyline for 20 minutes.  Remember, you are trying to pull yourself out of your depression a little.  That takes work. So while you are watching a funny show, your brain is also trying to heal.  Don’t make is overwork or this activity will defeat the purpose.  Let yourself laugh even if it is through the tears.  Some of my favorites are The Office, Seinfeld, Friends, Big Bang Theory(not on Netflix, but we have the DVDs) and Impractical Jokers.  All these shows are pretty much guaranteed to make me laugh even when I’m at my lowest.  At the very least, your brain isn’t absorbing anything sad or upsetting.

2.  Take a walk or get some fresh air.  You may not always have the energy to take a walk, but even just getting outside and feeling the fresh air can help lift you depression a little.  Walking would be ideal since you get your blood pumping and your brain focusing on something other than just how you are feeling at the moment.  You don’t have to take a long walk.  Even just a walk down the driveway or around the block can help me.  If you are physically able, jog a little.  This will help get the endorphins in your brain moving faster and   It takes effort and often moving is the last thing we want to do when depressed, but it is a healthy option that can help.  

3.  Eat something healthy.  When we are depressed and laying in bed or sitting our butts on the sofa, we tend to want to eat unhealthy snack foods.  Most people I know turn towards sweets.  Sugar is one of the worse ingredients for people who struggle with depression.  We have all heard of the “sugar rush” and the “sugar crash”.  The sugar you eat can make you feel elated or upbeat for a short time but once it is processed by the body, we can crash.  After that crash, we will often feel worse than before we ate. Proper nutrition is so important to mental health  and I have found that giving myself an extra push by eating something extra healthy when I am in a dark place, helps to brighten things up a bit.  Our brain is fed by what we eat. Our entire body needs proper nutrition to function correctly.  Yes, you can be the healthiest food out there and still get depressed, but studies show that healthy eating habits have a positive affect on our mental health.  For me, fresh fruits and salads are my favorite go to foods. My mind and body will feel a little better rather than eating a plate of nachos(which is what I usually feel like eating).  

Bonus:  I know, I said my top 3 depression busters, but I wanted to include one more.  This one is the hardest for me but it can really help if you choose carefully.  Invite a close friend over and ask them to keep you company.  We all need to know who our supports are and who we can truly count on.  When we fist moved from Philadelphia to Birmingham, I had no local friends for almost 2 years.  It was a very lonely time for me for many reasons.  I realized then just how hard it was going to be for me to live far from my family and long time friends.  My support group was something I took for granted and figured I could easily meet similar people wherever I went.  This simply wasn’t the case.  Don’t get me wrong, I ended up creating an amazing support group in Birmingham. It was small, but strong and loyal.  Now we live in Orlando and I was at square one again until I got involved in a woman’s group and with my direct sales business trainings.  However, with the advances in technology, it is easier to connect in real time with friends who are far away.  FaceTime and texting can be a great way to feel connected. I have such an amazing group of women from different times in my life. Technology has made it easier to reconnect and build those friendships into meaningful and supportive relationships.  Technology has also made it easier for me to get to know the women I meet in my new hometown. Know who your tribe is. Write down their names and numbers to save them in your phone. Just know who the friends are that will let you call or text anytime and who will make time for you when you need to be lifted up. Of course, my number one tribe is, and always will be, my family. Whether its my sons and husband, or my siblings, I know they will always be there for me. For this, I am blessed and thankful.   It takes a village to get through life.  We just need to work on creating ours and know who is a loyal part of it. 

Keeping ourselves mentally healthy is a lot of work.  Just like keeping ourselves physically healthy.  The good news is, the more it becomes part of your regular routine and a part of your mental health plan, the ideas and activities that help you will slowly become second nature.  It takes being consistent, keeping track of what helps and what doesn’t.  We need to prepare for our hard times so when they come, we are ready.  If you want a free tracking sheet to keep track of what helps you feel better and what doesn’t, click this link. 

Comment on what some of your best depression busters are below.  Let’s share some ideas and help each other out.  I’m sure we all have some that others haven’t thought of!! It takes a village for us all to be the best we can be! Let’s help each other through the painful days and be reminded that there is always hope.