Category: Mental Health Page 22 of 23

I envy you who can walk around without feeling like a weight is on your body.
I envy you who can smile and laugh with ease on most days.
I envy you who can simply get up and go about your day not wondering if/when it will hit again.
I envy you who can stay happy and upbeat without taking a pill, or two.
I envy you who only knows situational and temporary sadness and not true long lasting depression.

Tell me, what’s it like to not have to wake up daily and not gear your day’s choices around trying to keep depression away?
Tell me, what is it like to enjoy being around people and not want to isolate most days?
Tell me, what is it like to not cry most days for no reason at all and not even understanding why you suddenly feel so sad?
Tell me, what does it feel like to enjoy life’s special moments without ever having to fake you are feeling joy when your mind is feeling depressed?
Tell me, do your cheeks hurt from so much smiling?

I love that with depression has taught me compassion for others and a non-judgmental outlook.
I love that depression lead me to a rewarding career in mental health.
I love that my depression has helped me educate others as to what it’s like to live with it.
I love that my depression has showed me how strong I am and brought so many other strong women to my life who also fight depression.
I love that my depression does not define who I am, but has helped shape the amazing person I’ve become.

My stomach has been turning since I heard the first report of the shooting at the Parkland, FL high school on Valentines Day. We know people who live there and send their kids to school there. It hit too close to home, but it really always does for those of who are parents. As usual, people took to social media demanding tighter gun control, more mental health funding, safer schools. Reporters asked if warning signs had been missed. People saying to vote out elected officials who get money from the NRA. There’s a lot of looking for someone or something to blame. People start looking to politicians to “fix” the problem with our society. We just want it to stop. Students go to school to learn. Teachers go to school to teach. They all deserve to do this in a safe environment. Yes, we need our leaders to take action and make policy changes. Yes, we need more mental health services, including re-opening the state hospitals. Should an 18 year old who can’t legally buy alcohol be allowed to legally purchase an AR-15. Hell no. If you are old enough to vote, then please vote. However, all of these issues will take changes from the top and we all know Washington DC moves slow when it comes to change. We often feel helpless and unable to do much. However, a lot of the change our society needs, the “fix” we have to create, is going to take each one of us. It will take work and it will be inconvenient and uncomfortable at times. It will also take time, but it can and must to be done. So, what can we each do on a daily basis in our communities to help facilitate these necessary changes? I have a few ideas that really aren’t that hard and anyone can do them. These are all activities we can start today.

Educate yourself on trauma and depression. We are always on the internet these days. Instead of surfing for information on your favorite celebrity or sports team, spend some time learning about these mental health issues that affect so many people in our communities, as well as almost every school shooter. If we don’t understand, how can we help? If we don’t know the signs to look for, how can we tell someone? We all need at least the basic understanding of how depression and past trauma can affect the brain and in turn, a person’s behavior and decisions. Most people understand that people who are depressed can become withdrawn, cry often, lose their appetite and isolate themselves. Did you also know that angry outbursts, irritability, difficulty concentrating and physical problems such as headaches, are also signs of depression? Know the signs. Know what to look for in the adults and children in your life. Be alert and engaged with those who are in your circle. Knowledge is often our greatest power.

Get to know your neighbors. I truly believe this has become one of our biggest problems in our society. We have become so disconnected from each other. Between the busy schedules kids keep these days and most parents working outside the home, we seem to have very little time to get to know our neighbors and others in our community. Our social lives revolve around the activities of our children. We need to make time to get to know each other again. Plan a neighborhood gathering and have everyone bring a dish to share. Just spend time getting to know those in your little circle of the world. We really need to rebuild our sense of community and start helping each other. The mindset of, “it’s not my problem” is getting us nowhere.  Lets get to really know each other again and be there for each other

Reach out to a struggling family. Stop ignoring and avoiding them and their problems. We all know at least one of these families. They are the ones whose kid you pray doesn’t end up in class with your kid. They are the ones who have that kid yours says is always getting in trouble. Maybe their lawn is always too long. The family that has had a death or chronic illness but the world has moved on. Stop by or reach out in some other way. Check in on them and all of the children. Our family has been drowning in struggles before. I can tell you how much a simple text or phone knowing people acknowledge your hard time, can make a big difference. When your family is struggling, especially if behavior or mental health issues are involved, it can be a very lonely journey for the adults and the children. Be that person and teach your kids to be that person. Take the time. Chances are, it will make a big difference.

Talk, talk and talk some more. Communication is so important. We are all fine with talking about our thoughts and opinions on social media and I truly believe that is a very important and useful platform. However, we also need to talk to each other. Parents, talk to your kids. Talk to them about everything under the sun and make sure they know they can always talk to you. And when they do talk, put your full attention on them. Adults need to talk to each other and engage in meaningful conversations about the tough issues. Start the conversations in the car, at the ball field, with your schools, at work, anywhere the opportunity presents itself.  Communication is so crucial in solving any problem.  They say, “if you see something, say something”.  We all need to say something.  Sadly, what we’ve learned from the sex scandals at Penn State, Michigan State and from the shooting at Parklamd, saying something once, doesn’t always work.  So, keep saying something.  Teach our children to keep saying something.  Let’s be persistent when we see something that isn’t right until we see it’s been fixed.  Speak up.  Communicate. Talk.

Let them get physical!! You guys, our kids need to move!!! We all do, but especially those developing brains. When I was little, we had two recess periods a day or at least a 30 minute stretch. Plus, in middle school and High school, we had PE every day, every year. Now, kids are lucky if they get recess for 15 minutes and PE is only required for one year in high school. Our kids need exercise. All of our brains need exercise. We sit them at desks, put pressure on them to get perfect grades, standardized tests, and then load them down with more homework. Unless they participate in a sport, they have no time for physical activity. We are meant to move. If kids don’t have proper outlets for their energy and feelings, then it will come out in inappropriate ways. I quickly realized this with my boys!  before they were even in school, I saw their need to move. Even through high school, and no college, my oldest two sons know that their brains need exercise to function well. We all need physical activity to keep our minds working right.  Start making this a priority.  It is more important than straight As or homework.  It is more important than chores around the house.  Take time to exercise as a family, make your kids go outside and play, let them run and jump  inside the house  if the weather is bad.  Just move more!! Playing video games or watching TV for hours after sitting at school or work all day doesn’t help any of us  Move!

Will these activities solve the world’s problems? No, but we have to start making changes to our communities. We need to get back to raising our kids as a village. We need to truly look out for one another. Yes, there are many changes that need to happen on a government level and we need to actively continue to pressure those in office to make those changes. We need to vote and make our voices heard. However, we need to get started TODAY with doing all we can right from our small corner of the world. We are not powerless and there is hope and the chance for change with each new day.  What can you do today?

You see it all the time. A child or parent gets seriously ill and people start seeing how they can help. Meal sign ups are started. Sometimes a fundraiser is held to help with expenses. People offer to help with the kids or shopping or drive to appointments. Whether it’s a cancer diagnosis, major surgery, heart attack or any other major illness, the community tends rally around the family during the crisis. This is always so wonderful to see. I encourage it and I’m usually part of it. We need to be a community again. The more we help each other out, the stronger we all are in the end.

However, what about the family whose parent is struggling with major depression and can barely function or loss their job because they couldn’t get out of bed? How about The family whose child is in the psychiatric hospital, again, for behavior problems or suicidal thoughts? Or, the once star athlete who is suddenly hearing voices and you heard was just diagnosed with Schizophrenia? What do we tend to do then? So often, these families are left to fight these battles alone. Often it’s because others aren’t really sure what to do but it is often that many of these families hesitate to reach out or share their struggles.

There is still so much stigma around mental illness that we often want to “protect the privacy” of our loved one. Sometimes this protecting can make things worse. When a love one is diagnosed with cancer, diabetes, MS or any other illness, word usually spreads fast and action is started. So, why then, do we hesitate to share when our loved ones are struggling with mental illness? Why does the community tend to whisper what they heard is going on instead of asking? Why is their shame in mental illness but not in other physical illnesses? Once we can change society’s mindset and get rid of the stigma attached to it, I truly believe we will become a stronger and healthier society.

So, how can we begin to treat mental illness with the same respect and compassion as other illnesses? I’m a firm believer in communication so first, we need to keep talking. The more those of us who struggle with mental illnesses talk and share our struggles, the more others will begin to understand. Much of the stigma is a result of a lack of understanding about mental illnesses. By educating the general public, the fear and stigma will begin to decrease. The brain is an organ and one we still don’t know a lot about. However, we do know that it can get sick and injured, just like any other organ, but that it can also heal and get well.  It needs time. It needs support. It may need medication.  We need to stop the “talking” about others. Stop the rumors. Stop the gossip. Don’t be part of it and stop it when you hear it.

We need to fight for more funding and treatment options. We need to be proactive instead of Reactive. Back in the early 90s the funds for mental health were drastically cut. Insurances began to pay less and less and now some pay nothing. When I graduated college and began working as a mental health case worker, the typical stay in a psychiatric hospital was 28 days. That’s almost a full month!!! That’s enough time to switch a persons medications, try a new one and see if it’s working. It’s also enough time to give them the time they need to rest and recover, plus, enough time for some therapies to start to work. Now, a person is lucky if they can stay in the hospital for 72 hours!! That’s not even long enough to be sure a person who is suicidal has become stable. Time and time again individuals are being quickly discharged only to end up killing themselves or someone else. Finding good outpatient options has become harder and harder and also difficult for many to afford. We see society become outraged when there is talk of cutting funding for cancer research or funding for other diseases. We need to become just as outraged over the lack of mental health funding. This is why becoming proactive would make a big difference.

Reach out to that family on your street who seems to be struggling. Do you hear things about them? Are their kids the ones in trouble at school. Is their lawn too long? Does there seem to be chaos going on? Go knock on the door. Bring them some cookies. Just ask how they are doing. See if they need anything. When we were struggling with our two middle sons, we hit a pretty low point. Mowing our lawn was the last thing on our mind. Cleaning up the back years wasn’t on the list. Every dollar we had was being spent on therapies and programs. What didn’t help was nasty notes in our mailbox complaining about our lawn and home. We didn’t live where there was an HOA. What also didn’t help was having two neighbors put up a privacy fence just along their property line that boarder us. Not anyone else’s. Just us. Society needs to take down the fences. I often wondered if our children had been sick with cancer if those fences would have gone up or if those nasty notes would have appeared. Including one from our mailman. Really?!

So, next time you hear of a family struggling with mental health issues, just reach out. See if they need anything. Randomly do something kind. It doesn’t have to be anything grand. Even just letting them know you are there and support them will go a long way. When you know a family going through trials, step back and ask, “ what would I do if their family member had cancer or had a heart attack, or a kidney transplant, etc”. Whatever you would do in those circumstances, do in these situations. Don’t treat them any different. LAnd let’s keep talking and sharing. And let’s keep bringing attention to the funding needed. So many of our society’s problems could be greatly helped if we just started treating mental illness with the same respect as other major illnesses.

If you’ve ever flown, you’ve heard the safety instructions that the flight attendants give before take off. One of these instructions is about the possible need for oxygen if the cabin pressure drops. They tell us to put on our own mask before helping someone else, even our child. Let me repeat that, put on your own oxygen mask FIRST! As a parent and a care giver by nature, this was always hard for me to grasp. Our natural instinct as a parent is to help our child first. We want them to breathe well, and we want them to live. However, what these instructions teach us on the plane is that it is more important for us to be breathing so that we are able to help others. This is a rule most of us pay attention to on the plane, but what about in real life? So many of us don’t follow this rule. Especially those of us who have a child in crisis or one that has ongoing struggles that can last for years. Most of us know in the back of our mind that we need to take care of ourselves first in order to care for others. Yet, so many of us don’t do this. I’ve only recently learned how important it is to take care of myself first.

For the past 15 months, I have been on a journey to make my physical and mental health a priority. It’s been my, “reclaiming my health”, journey. In November of 2016, we were in the height of a family crisis. It was one that had been going on for a few years and we had a few others mixed in there during that time, but this was the height of stress that I’d ever experienced. We were juggling so much with our boys. The one was in a full blown cRisis for quite some time. We had been in full swing mode to try to get him help for two years yet we kept getting “no’s”. Our frustration grew as we attempted to juggle the needs of our other boys and ensure they were safe too. To say I was 100% invested in trying to save our child was an understatement. It consumed me to the point that it led to me getting fired from my job. It was the last thing we needed. Financially it hurt. Emotionally it hurt. At the end of the day, it was a blessing. I didn’t realize how badly I was drowning until this moment. For about 4 years, I had been in extreme physical pain as well as struggling with depression. I had been putting myself dead last and it took me losing my mental and physical health, and eventually my profession, to realize just how badly I needed that oxygen mask.

So, at the end of 2017, I grabbed that oxygen mask and put in on. Slowly, I began to breath again. Do you know what happens when you get enough oxygen to your brain? You are able to think clearly. A funny thing happens when you can think clearly. You are able to organize your thoughts and get things done. Suddenly, things in life began to fall into place. John and I continued fighting to get our son the help he needed, but this time we wouldn’t take “No” for an answer. I had even more strength to knock down the barriers that kept being put in our way. When we heard, “this may not work”, we simply heard, “we need to find a different way to make this work”. We ended up successfully getting our son into a therapeutic boarding school that we truly believe has saved his life. It was close to a three year process, but things didn’t start to fall into place until we started to breath.

My physical and mental health had really taken a hit for about 5 years. As I started to make myself a priority, I slowly saw my health improved. I was able to take time to research ways to help my chronic pain. I began to eat a plant based diet after researching and watching documentaries on the positive effects this way of eating helps chronic pain. I also began acupuncture which helped by pain and also started helping me sleep better. Both of these additions also helped reduce my own depression symptoms that had been slowly escalating over the years. All this was because I made the decision to take time to address my needs. By taking the time to address my needs, I began to feel better and think clearer. My improved health and well being, actually allowed me to better address the needs of my sons. For years, I felt as though putting myself before them in any way, was being a selfish mom. In reality, it was just the opposite. We need to take care of ourselves even in the midst of overwhelming crisis.

So many of us who take care of individuals with mental health struggles are often not surrounded by a large village of support. Regardless of the support you may or may not have, when you are caring for others who need you, you need to remember to put your oxygen mask on first before you put on theirs. If we aren’t able to breathe, then our loved ones won’t get the oxygen they need either. We have to keep ourselves strong in order to keep them strong. It’s not selfish. It’s simply life saving.

When someone has surgery, has a baby, a death in the family or some physical illness, it seems as though society knows how to react. The meal sign ups start circulating. Family and friends step up to help with whatever the family needs. You even will see fundraisers to help with the expenses that the individual or family may accrue during this time. But what about when a child is struggling with anxiety and having trouble going to school? How about when a teenager attempts suicide or has addiction? Or, what happens when an adult is struggling with depression or bipolar? How do we help lighten their load or nurture their soul? There are many simple, yet supportive ways, we can all help those struggling with their mental health. Here are just 5 easy suggestions. Let’s start embracing these individuals and wrapping them in the same kind of support we so easily give others in their time of need.

1. Bring them a meal!! Better yet, set up a meal schedule for them. People do this all the time when family members have cancer, or are sick in some other physical way. We need to do the same thing here. Whether it’s an individual or a family who needs help, by bringing them a meal, they don’t have to have the stress of cooking or preparing something to eat. Usually quick and light meals are best since struggling emotionally will often affect ones appetite. Something they can easily heat up or grab will allow them to not have to waste energy thinking about. I had a friend drop off a pan of spaghetti and cookies one night. So simple but so helpful!! Also, be sure it is healthy food. What we eat, affects our brains and body. The family is under a lot of emotional stress as well as the individual who is struggle. The right food can be healing.

2. Visit them. Stop by and spend some time with them. It’s very lonely if you have a child or spouse who is struggling with mental illness. Life often becomes limited by what you can do and where you can go based on the daily needs and struggles of the family members. Be patient and try to understand that this is also affecting them. They may not be the friend you are used to. It may need to be all about them at the moment, but that’s ok.  Just be there for them

3. Give them grace. Your friend may not be able to invest in their friendships and outside relationships right now. Give them grace. They may not be themselves. Maybe they say something out of character or their personality changes. Give them grace. A true friend is one who will stick by toy in good times and bad. I lost a life long friend during a hard time in our lives. Two of my boys were in crisis and I just had no extra energy for anyone outside our home. I asked for grace but didn’t get it. Give your friends and family grace during this hard moments.

4. Offer to help them with day to day tasks. I know this sounds too simple, but just helping to shuttle children around, picking up milk at the store or grabbing the dry cleaners can be a huge help. Any of these little errands that can take up valuable time, are helpful if one can check them off their list because someone else took care of it.

5. Listen. Sometimes all they need is an ear to listen. No advice needed. They just need a safe person they can say how hard some days are. A listening ear to vent frustrations and disappointments; joys and small milestones that seem like nothing to most. When you are caring for someone who is ill in any way, the focus is almost fully on them. The family around them also need someone to hear them too.

6. Stop the gossip. There is nothing worse than being the person or family that others are talking about. If you hear others talking about someone you know, stop them or correct them so they understand. Gossip can get distorted quickly. We have been blessed over the years with some strong-minded friends who set some people straight. It was such a sense of relief knowing we had warriors out there protecting our reputation. Every family struggling with mental illness needs this village.

7.  Don’t judge. This piggy backs on the previous suggestion. Maybe you can’t help them. Maybe you aren’t a close enough friend to even get involved with their life or you just don’t feel comfortable approaching them. Well, this one is for you!! Just don’t judge!! The problem with mental health struggles is that many families keep these to themselves because of the stigma. From the outside, they may look like a family that is out of control, or parents who are a little strange or maybe things look great but their kids are always in trouble at school. They are “those” kids you don’t want in class with yours. Unless you know their story, 100%, then don’t judge them. All this does is make it even more stressful. We’ve been here. It was so hurtful not just to me but to our boys. It forced me to share more with other, including the school, so people would understand how one person’s struggles can have a ripple effect through the family. Judging does nothing to help.

8.  Help educate others. We all need to help others understand how mental illness not only affected the individual, but also his or her family members. As with any other chronic illness, the entire family is affected in some way. The more we all understand mental illness and the less stigma society puts on it, the stronger we will be as a society. We will be able to better help each other and make the world a better place to live. So, read, learn and spread what you learn so others understand. This is the best thing you can do for all of the families affected.

I’m sure there are many other ways to help families who are struggling with mental illness. These are just the ones that came to my mind and help us along the way. I’d love to hear any other ideas that may have helped you and your family. The more we talk and share, the faster we will end the stigma!