Ending Stigma Together

In November of 2016, I had a genuine, full blown mental breakdown. It had been an extremely stressful few years and during that time, I was putting myself dead last.  Everyone and everything was coming before my own self-care.  Our mind and body can only take so much neglect before breaking down completely.  

On that one sunny November day in 2016, my mind and body had all it could take.  I found myself on a phone call that was just too stressful and I lost it.  After hanging up, I found myself under my desk at work, crying and shaking uncontrollably.  

The next day I was let go from my job.  I honestly am not even sure why because mentally I was not fully there.  What I did know, is that I had to make some changes and I had to make them fast.   

As I tried to recover, I began to reassess my life and how I was treating myself.  One thing I quickly realized was the my self-care had become dead last.  I was putting everyone and everything before myself and this I had to change.   I made a promise to myself that I would never allow myself to be put last again.  I made that promise in 2016 and I continue to fulfill it to this day.  

I wanted to share 5 reasons making self-care a priority is so crucial to our mental and physical health. 

*You can’t pour from an empty cup.  I used to think that I had to help everyone I loved. I had to always say yes.  I had to put their needs before mine.  Especially the needs of my sons.  What I didn’t realize was, if I didn’t take care of myself, I wouldn’t be able to help those that I love.  If we don’t fill ourselves with love and care, how can we expect to have any to share with others?  We must slow down and take care of ourselves so we have what we need to help those we love. 

*Your mental and physical health depend on it. Stress triggers cortisone in our body when we are stressed.  This can lead to chronic pain, weight gain and other physical issues.  Neglecting our own self-care can also lead to increased depression and anxiety.  If we don’t take the time to tend to our mental health, we will be forced to tend to it once our mind breaks.  In 2016, my mind gave me no choice but to give my mental health the attention it deserved.  The same with my physical health.  My fibromalygia was in a full blown episode and my pain was severe.  I was neglecting myself to the point that I was destroying my mind and body.  These last 4 years, I have made both a priority and it has made a tremendous difference. We have to love ourselves enough to put ourselves first.  

*If you don’t make it a priority, it won’t happen. Do you ever wonder why so many of us make everyone else around us a priority but not ourselves?  It makes no sense.  Going back to the first point, we can’t pour from an empty cup.  You have to make it a priority. It has to be like showering, eating and sleeping. You know you need to do all these things daily.  Self-care needs to be in the same category.  If you plan to do it if you have time, then you won’t make the time.  It has to be something you must do.  It isn’t optional. If you make it optional, it will simply fall to the wayside.

*It feels great.  Once we start making ourselves a priority, we will slowly begin to see a change in how we feel both physically and mentally.  We will stop neglecting ourselves and our needs.  We will begin to listen to our mind and body and giving it what it is asking us for.  Plus, when something feels great, you want to keep doing it, right?  Once you begin putting your self-care first in your life, you will begin to feel better and better.  If you stay consistent, you will begin to insist your self-care come first because it will simply not become optional to not come first.  You will want to keep feeling great. 

*Life will be so much better. When we take care of ourselves and make ourselves a priority, everything else starts to fall into place easier.  It can take awhile to get into a regular self-care routing and then to see results throughout your life, but it is worth staying consistent.  By practicing regular self-care, it also gives us the energy we need to push through the hard times.  As you practice regular self-care and start to make yourself a priority, you will slowly begin to see just how amazing your life can be.  

Self-care is not selfish.  It is not narcissistic. It is not self-centered.  It is not an afterthought.  Self-care is loving, giving, and a priority.  What can you do today to make self-care a priority for yourself?  Make a quick list.  Also, hop on over to my private 7 Day Self-care challenge Facebook group HERE.  The challenge starts next Monday.  If you haven’t signed up for my email list, you can do that HERE.  You will receive an email each morning with a challenge for the day and a link to that day’s blog post on self-care.  I hope you can join us.  It is FREE and isn’t it time you made your self-care a priority? 

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Negative self-talk.  Why is it so easy for us to put ourselves down with words in our mind, yet so difficult to get into the habit of talking to ourselves with positive, encouraging and loving words?  We all have those moments when we can only hear  how “dumb” we are or how “incompetent” we are or how “ugly” we are.   Negative self-talk is going to happen.  We can all struggle with it.  However, those of us who struggle with depression seem to have an even more difficult training our mind to counter our negative self-talk with positive self-talk.  For years, decades, my negative self-talk was SO loud in my mind.   My negative self-talk affected my self-esteem, my mental health and my confidence. I’m no longer like this.  It takes practice, discipline and consistency to make this mind shift, but you can do it too.  Here are the techniques I have used to help change my mindset from being controlled by my negative self-talk to being able to counter it with positive self-talk with almost no effort.  It has become automatic.  It’s really an easy 2 step process that has helped me incredibly with changing my mindset.  Here’s what I did.  

*Saying daily positive affirmations.  If you have followed my blog for awhile, you know how powerful I find positive affirmations to be for our mindset.  It sounds crazy until you start saying them on a regular basis.  Our mind hears what we say and will believe what we say to it.  We can either feed our brain with positive ideas, words and thoughts or we can feed it with negative, discouraging words and thoughts.  Which do you want?  I had heard how powerful saying positive affirmations can be from the leaders in the direct sales company I work for.  I have heard it from successful entrepreneurs like Tony Robbins, Jenna Kutcher, Gloria Mayfield Banks among many others.  The key to positive affirmations working to change your mindset is to be consistent with saying them.  If you only say them once in awhile, you will see no change.  However, if you get into the practice of saying them every morning and every evening before going to bed, you will slowly begin to believe them. Your mind will begin to believe what you are saying and your brain will begin to correct the negative self-talk when it occurs.  The brain will realize it is a lie and will counter it.  Remember, when you create your positive affirmations, you need to write them using the following steps.  First, they need to be in the first person.  So, “I am” or “I do” and not in the third person.  Second, the need to be in the present tense.  Stay away from words that express the future.  You want to write them as if it is already true!  Third, make sure they are positive.  Here are a few of mine that I say daily: “I am worthy,” “I am a successful entrepreneur,” “I am intelligent and I learn quickly and productively.”  You can make them more specific to a specific goal such as, “I am a successful author and business woman.  My business make me a 6 figure income.”  Crest affirmations for your goals.  Create them for your negative self-talk and mindset.  Then, practice them daily. Say them over and over out loud. It’s crucial you say them out loud so your brain hears them.  By doing this daily, and twice a day if possible, you will begin to develop the habit and soon it will become second nature.  When I struggle during the day, my mind automatically begins to say my affirmations.   

*Practicing daily mindfulness activities.  I talk a lot about mindfulness.  It is a practice I started at the end of 2018 or the beginning of 2019.  Mindfulness is simply being aware  of what you are doing, thinking and saying at each minute of the day.  You are completely present and don’t let your mind wander so you can be aware of what you are doing.   In our fast pace society, it is difficult for most of us to slow down and be aware of every thought, action and moment of the day.  How many times have you had trouble remember even what you had for lunch?!  We have so many balls in the air and we often just go through the motion.  By practicing mindfulness, we can change that.  Just like getting into the habit of saying our positive affirmations, getting into the habit of being mindful in our daily life takes practice. Start today by staying in the moment as you eat or as you drive or as you are thinking.  It is so easy to let our minds wander but by being mindful you will have more control over your thoughts.  

Here is what will happen if you practice both of these techniques: You will be in tuned to the positive affirmations you are saying each morning and evening and you will begin to “hear” the negative thoughts when they come into your head.  Because you will be mindful of your thoughts after practicing mindfulness and you will begin to catch yourself when you have the negative self-talk that pops into your mind.  Because you will be more mindful of the negative self-talk, you will catch yourself and stop it before you let it take over your thoughts.  The way you stop it is by turning it into a positive thought or by saying your positive affirmations.  This is why I like to write mine on index cards and then laminate them. That way I can keep them with me at all times and read them as I need them throughout the day.  

I’d like to challenge you to try both this week.  First, take time to create your positive affirmations.  You can download this free template HERE that will help you walk through the steps of creating a powerful affirmation.  Say it out loud daily.  Then, commit to being more mindful throughout the day.  Be in the moment when you eat. Be in the moment when you speak. If you feel your thoughts wandering, bring them back.  Try to be aware of when you say something negative to yourself either out loud or in your mind.  It takes practice, but you can create a positive mindset by stopping the negative self-talk by practicing these two simple steps.  I’d love for you to share your affirmations on my Ending Stigma Together FB page HERE.  Share how you counter your negative thoughts.  Let’s learn from each other.  We are stronger together. 

Journaling has become one of my favorite techniques for managing my depression.  It’s something all of us can do. It doesn’t cost a lot of money.  All you need is a notebook.  You don’t need a fancy journal.  By writing down our thoughts and feelings, it helps us process our thoughts and allows us to be in touch with our current emotions.  I have found this to be very helpful in keeping my mental health strong. 

There are different ways to journal.  There are two ways that I use.  The first is simply free writing what I am thinking or feeling.  Sort of like an old school diary.  The other way is to use journal prompts you either find online or in a journal prompt workbook.  Either way will work.  You can mix them up depending on the day and how you are feeling.   

When I practice free writing in my journal, I have a lot of freedom to write and sort through my emotions, struggles and issues that are concerning me that day.  By simply writing whatever comes to mind or writing down what is bothering me at that moment, I am able to sort through many problems and feelings.  This can help me manage my depression because I have a tendency for keeping things inside and not always releasing them. Just writing them on a page, can be a release. I love journaling this way because it allows me freely write anything and everything that is bothering me.

The other way I like to journal is by using journal prompts. These are prompts that you can create yourself or your an find various prompts to use online.  Pinterest has a lot of different journal prompts.  You can even narrow your search to a specific topic such as, “journal prompts for depression” or “journal prompts for anxiety.”  Whatever it is you are wanting to work on or focus on in your journal.  

I have created a 10 Day Journal for Depression with different prompts for each day.  It is a FREE download just for all of you!  You can try it out and see how using prompts can work for you.  Remember, journaling does not have to be difficult. It’s a great therapeutic tool all of us can use on a daily basis. One more thing I want to add is a little something I do each day after my journal entry.  I always finish with listing 3 things I’m grateful for on that day.  I make sure it is something that has happened in the last 24 hours and I try to make it something specific and really give it some thought.  This part of my journaling really helps me to focus on the positives and helps me start the day off in a positive mindset. 

Be sure to grab my FREE 10 Day Journal for Depression HERE.

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When I was in graduate school, I took a nutrition class as an elective.  Being newly recovered from my anorexia, it was fascinating to me so I wanted to learn more about nutrition.  We had to do a presentation and I wanted to do mine on eating disorders but for some reason that I now forget, the professor declined to allow me to choose that topic.  Instead, I decided to do a present my talk on nutrition and mental health.  I honestly knew very little about how nutrition affected our mental health and specifically my depression, and I was surprised by all that I found out during this project.  This was all before the internet so the resources that I had were not the wealth of what we have now.  I had no idea what I would find or if there was even a link between our nutrition and our mental health, but I went off searching for those answers. 

In short, I found that there was some evidence at the time(1993) that supported what we eat can impact our mental health.  Of course, my main interest was depression since that has been my struggle since childhood.  I was curious, could what I eat make a difference with my depression?  Could avoiding certain foods help me struggle less?  This project was just the tip of the iceberg for me on this journey.  Over the last almost 30 years, I have learned a lot of how my nutrition helps or hurts my depression.  

Society hasn’t always recognize the mind/body connection, but we are slowly getting there. I am a big advocate of healthy eating as a tool to help support out mental health.  I have learned a lot over my lifetime and know what types of food I need to avoid or limit in order to help control my depression.  I wanted to share some of the things I have learned and how I eat in order to better control my depression on a daily basis.

Almost 3 years ago, I switched to a Whole Food, Plant Based(WFPB) way of eating. This is eating whole, unprocessed food and avoiding all animal products, oil and a few other items.  It may sound a bit extreme, but I have honestly never felt better in my life.  I still have some episodes of depression, but I feel as though I am able to pull myself out of them faster and that they don’t get too severe.  It has truly been life changing for me both physically and mentally.  

I’m not saying this is the only way to eat to help manage your depression.  My goal is to encourage you to explore how you feel as you eat.  Be mindful of what you are eating, how you feel while you are eating and how you feel after you are finished eating.  By tracking how the food you eat makes you feel, you can start to eliminate those that make you feel bad and add more of the foods that make you feel good.

For me,there are quite a foods I know I need to avoid or limit.  One of my biggest depression triggers when it comes to food is refined sugar.  I eat very little.  I do eat a piece or two of dark chocolate each day but that has a lower sugar count that’s many other types of candy. Plus, it does have some positive health benefits. Or, so the scientists have said!   Eliminating animal products has also really helped.  I became a vegetarian when I was 18 or 19.  I never really started eating meat a ton after I recovered from anorexia.  I did start eating some meat such as chicken and pork in my 30s because I was just so busy raising kids, but it definitely took it’s toll. My depression was increased during that time.  I truly didn’t connect it to my eating habits at the time, but rather on the stress of raising 4 sons.  I also notice a difference in my depression when I eat highly processed foods.  Do any of us even know what is in our processed foods?  Think about all of the chemicals and preservatives that are in a lot of the foods on the shelves of the store.  These ingredients can affect every aspect of our health, so watch what you eat. 

What I have learned is that the food I eat can have an impact on my depression.  In 2017, I watched the documentary, Forks Over Knives, and listened to how different people switched to a WFPB way of eating and had immediate improvements on their physical health.  I don’t recall anyone discussing improvements in their mental health, but I wanted to give it a try.  I also wanted to give it a try for my fibromalygia pain, so I decided to go all in and see how it might help.  

So, I did. I committed to 6 weeks to see if it would help my inflammation pain.  It did! But, it also helped my moods.  I’m not perfect.  I will eat foods that aren’t WFPB, but when I do, I scan feel it.  For me, clean eating is one of the easiest things in my life that I can control and helps my depression.  When I eat fresh fruit, vegetables, whole grains, beans and other whole, plant based foods, I feel such a strong stabilization in my mood. When I eat something high in refined sugar like a donut or piece of cake, I can feel my mood quickly begin to slump. Fried foods and heavy foods such as pasta with creamy sauces, can also trigger my depression.  Over the years, I have just learned that the more pure and healthy the foods I eat, the better I am able to help myself manage my depression.  

Track what you eat, how you feel before, during and after you eat and look for the connections.  Try to do this tracking between 7-21 days in order to get a good sense of how what you eat may affect your depression.  To learn more about the Whole Food Plant Based way of eating that has helped me so much, you can check out my favorite resource: www.ForksOverKnives.com.  They have incredibly tasty recipes and lots of information on how this way of eating could help you physically as well as mentally.  

Understanding how our mind reacts to what we put into our bodies can be a big part of our recovery and management of our depression.  Many people believe the myth that eating whole food plant based is expensive and complicated.  However, it doesn’t have to be that way.  Go check out the Forks Over Knives website and do a little research of your own.  Again, this may not be the way you need to eat to help your depression, but I wanted to share on how much finding the right way to eat for me has helped me manage my depression.  Track what you eat and how you feel and you will slowly realize which foods you need to eliminate and which foods which you need to increase your intake. The connection is real.  Managing our depression is both a physical and mental process.  Small changes can make a big impact.  Start slowly and build from there as you discover what foods work for you and which foods don’t work for you.  Start today!  

Mindfulness is becoming more and more popular as we are beginning to realize running the fast paced rat race we have been running in society simply isn’t working.  In fact, it is making many of us sick.  I think one of the biggest areas we have seen this impact is in our schools and with our children.  There is a lot of pressure on kids today to perform at the highest level or fear not getting into college or being successful(not saying college is the only path to success but starting the mentality in our schools).  With our fast paced life, many kids living in highly stressed homes with over-stressed parents, they come to school tightly wound and not ready to learn at all!  I saw this with one of my own sons in middles school.  We had a TON of stressful situations going on at home his 6th grade year.  Some mornings were beyond chaotic and off to school they went.  Well, my oldest held it all in and the first bump in the hallway or a teacher or student saying something that rubbed him wrong, and he would just pop like a wind up toy!  I quickly realized how it was affecting him and made some adjustments at home, but not all parents are able to do this or know how to even begin.  This is why I share my experiences in the hopes I can help others navigate these challenges in life.  

So, why add mindfulness in schools?  Let me be clear, teachers are already overworked and overpaid so I’m not suggesting they are to add one more thing to their schedule. There are a number of ways to add mindfulness to schools and the schools that already have, are seeing amazing results with student stress and behavior problems. This school in Baltimore began teaching students how to meditate when they got a detention.  They almost completely ended detentions in their school in a matter of months because these kids learned skills to help regulate their emotions.  Other schools have added yoga to their curriculum and have seen a drastic decrease in behavior problems.  You can read more about their success HERE. Imagine the positive impact it could have if schools took 15-20 minutes each morning to say the pledge, have a moment of silence, and then do 10-15 minutes of yoga stretches or 5 minutes of a guided meditation. The students would start their day of with a renewed sense of calm.  Teacher would have the mood in their classrooms start off more peaceful and kids would be mentally more prepared to learn.  

Another great mindfulness activity for students is journaling.  This is an activity that could be easily used in the classroom in the morning.  The teacher can give a prompt, the principal could have a school wide prompt so all students are responding to the same topic or the students can just free write.  Journaling is such a wonderful mindfulness activity for all of us to do daily or at least a few times a week.  This can be helpful to also identify students who may be struggling with something more serious than just regular stress.  School employees are on the front line of identifying crisis going on with students.  It should not be used to punish but to help them with any struggles that may be coming to light in the journals. However, the purpose is to help students learn how effective writing down all of their feeling and thoughts can be.  If they have stressful thoughts bouncing in their head, getting it out on paper can help clear their mind to be ready to learn. 

Many schools have have eliminated the arts. The powers that be decided at some point that they were not essential to our kids’ learning.  The push began for more testing(don’t even get me started on this!), math and science.  Here’s the thing, art and music are great mindfulness activities and stimulate the opposite side of the brain than math, science and testing does.  By eliminating these activities, we are eliminating naturally integrated mindfulness activities that were once part of the regular curriculum. I love when teachers play some soft, calming music in the classroom during individual reading time or other times during the day where it is appropriate.  

Add mindfulness features to the classroom. My youngest son had a teacher who had a water feature in her classroom.  The day I walked in on “meet the teacher” day, I felt instantly calm and knew he was going to have a great year.  She got it.  She was ahead of many teachers. She understood the importance of a calming classroom environment. Having some stress balls for kids to use when upset or stressed can be helpful.  When I was a mental health therapist in a school, I had a basket of them on my desk.  The kids loved them.  Each school is different.  Each classroom is different.  Figuring out what works for the students can be life changing.  

I would love to see a mindfulness activity occurring in schools 2-3 days a week.  Ideally, finding a way to do it daily would be amazing but I know even getting one day in will be difficult.  I know both are probably not very realistic, but I would sure love to see it.  I believe it would make a tremendous difference in the lives of our children. We would see less fighting, less violence, less attitude and more peace, more calm and more respectful respectful.  We can’t expect children to learn if their minds are not ready.  

For kids who have regular behavior issues, having a sensory room for them to go to instead of the principal’s office or detention could be life changing.   Or, the principal can start adding mindfulness resources into their office.   Yelling, shaming and making them sit out at recess or giving them a detention/suspension is not conducive but I know it is often necessary and the only option for many.  However, but slowly adding mindfulness into our schools, a big difference can be made.  Change can be slow in education.  May administrators I have known and met over the years struggle to think outside the box or venture off the traditional path.  It’s those brave enough to do so that are seeing the positive changes to their students, classrooms, teachers and school environment.  

You can go check out my 30 Day Mindfulness Workbook HERE. If you want to start with the FREE 7 day Workbook, you can grab that HERE.

Don’t forget to check out my book, Depression Survival Guide: Your Path To A Joy Filled Life HERE.