Ending Stigma Together

I am SO excited to have my friend, Rae Green, share some amazing insight on the stigma she faces with being blind. Rae is an incredible young woman who I have watched grow from a kid to a strong and confident woman who shares what being blind is like and how we can all help to end the stigma that follows many who have different disabilities and challenges. Please head over to her YouTube Channel and subscribe. She shares so many powerful insights weekly. She also has her own blog called, Blind Girl Blogs. Go follow her there too! She is truly an inspiration!! Below she shares some thoughts of the stigma she faces just because she doesn’t have her vision. I hope you enjoy it and share for others to read. Together we can end all stigma.

Hello!

My name is Rae, and I am a 19 year old college student. I am majoring in political science and Spanish, and I am also minoring in religion. I have been playing piano for the last 11 years. I also have a blog and a YouTube channel. Oh, and did I mention that I am blind? I know, it is shocking, but it’s true, I promise.

When people find out that I am blind, they wonder how I manage to do all of the things I just listed above. Not because any of it is especially impressive, but when the word “blind’ is added to everything, people immediately assume that I am not able to do a lot of things. Today, I want to talk about what those assumptions mean, and how there is an automatic stigma that follows disabled people around, no matter what they are doing.

In order to understand what I mean by assumptions regarding blindness, I want to share some things I have had people say to me. When I am a restaurant, I have had countless waiters see my cane and look at whomever I am with, and say “and what does she want?” They say this instead of asking me directly. I have had a woman ask one of my best friends is she was “my keeper” because of my blindness, and then she congratulated me in making a friend, and finally, she told my friend how good of a person she is because she is my friend. Yep, that one was particularly awkward. There is a constant thought that people seem to attribute with blindness, and that is that blind people cannot do whatever sighted people can. Look, in ways, that is true. I will be the first to say we probably should not drive a car on a busy highway, but it does not apply in any other circumstances.

The ideas that people carry with them about disability are, in all honesty, not their fault. Mediums such as television and movies help perpetuate harmful stereotypes regarding the blind community. What do I mean you may ask? Most blind characters in TV or movies have very similar appearances, the dark sunglasses, the white cane, and, in most cases, and overall air of helplessness. This isn’t to say that blind people don’t wear dark sunglasses, or don’t use white canes (I do, but mine is pink and far cuter), but it does cause people to think that if a blind person doesn’t have all of these things, they are not really blind. Trust me, I have been told multiple times that I am not really blind because I am not wearing dark sunglasses. But, like I said before, I do not blame people for doing this. If you have never been exposed to anything other than the same idea your entire life, there would be no reason to think differently. However, I want to open the door to that exact way of thinking.

When people say those things to me, regarding my blindness (or in some peoples’ opinions, the lack thereof) I use it as a tool. I want people to feel comfortable asking me questions and having those conversations with me, so when someone tells me that I am not really blind because (insert reason here), I take that as an opportunity to have a discussion about how blind people can be just like sighted people. We do not need to fit into a box that everyone seems to want to put us in.

Honestly, although it can be frustrating and uncomfortable when people tell me those things, there is a part of me that loves it. Why? Because I know it means that I am challenging them. If someone is telling me that I am not blind because of something I do or don’t do, that means I am going against their preconceived notion of what blindness truly means, and they now have the opportunity to learn. Ironically, I can be the one to open their eyes and help them find a new way of looking at things. When people learn that blindness is so much more than what they had previously thought, it is absolutely amazing. By the way, this is also why I tell people to ask me questions. I am one of the hardest people to offend, and I can guarantee you I have heard almost every question in the book, so it won’t be uncomfortable for me in the slightest.

I will frequently tell people that I love my blindness, and a lot of them tend to be shocked by that idea. A lot of people do not understand how I can love something that brings so many challenges along with it. And that is totally fine, it can be a hard concept to think about if you’ve never thought about it that way. However, one of my favorite things about blindness is that I get to make people think. I get to challenge their idea of what a disability is. I get to answer all of their questions, which is something I genuinely do not mind doing. I get to help them see the one thing I see perfectly: that disabled people are just people with different abilities, and it’s just a matter of understanding what those abilities are.

For years, I thought my depression started when I was a college freshman and had my first major episode of depression coinciding with anorexia.  Since that time, my depression would come and go in waves.  Sometimes mild. Other times, pretty deep and dark.  It wasn’t until I was writing my book that I truly recognized the depression I experienced in my adulthood had really been there since my childhood.  Here’s the thing, we didn’t talk about depression in children back in the 70s and 80s.  I was considered painfully shy and not super social, but never depressed. 

Even though depression sucks and most of us wish we never felt it, I realized that I have learned quite a bit from my depression.  Over time I have decided that it is best to try to take away something positive from every episode of depression I have battled through.  I look for teachable moments in every area of my life and my mental health is no exception.  I wanted to share a few of the lessons I have learned from my depression over the years. 

I have learned……

WHO are my true friends! When we go through dark times we realize that some people just aren’t true friends.  They just can’t handle the bad times.  This is a good thing in the long run though.  Better to know who to invest our precious energy and emotions in to.  There is only so much extra energy when we use so much trying to keep away our depression!  

NOT to take for granted the times that we feel happy and upbeat.  I have learned to appreciate and savor my upbeat and happy days because I don’t know if I will stay this way for a long time or if my depression will be coming back.  This isn’t being negative. It’s just realistic. When a person deals with any chronic illness, you learn to appreciate your good days and try to embrace the days you are feeling great.

HOW to be empathetic to others struggling because I know how it feels.  My heart has always had a soft spot for others who understand the struggle depression brings and for those having just a generally hard time.  I find myself wanting to help others because I know just how hard and lonely it can be for us.

HOW low I can actually get, the confidence knowing I will climb back up and to appreciate just how high I can soar.   Riding through an episode of depression and coming out on the other side where you can see the light again, gives me a sense of accomplishment.  It has helped me realize that I CAN do hard things and given me the confidence to try things I wouldn’t have ever attempted when I was younger.

THERE is a big difference between being sad versus being depressed.   People often use the words “sad” and “depressed” as if they are the same thing, when they are very different. We need to remind others about this fact.  Sadness is an emotion; a feeling. Depression is a disease; an illness. Just like there is a big difference between a cold and the flu, there is a difference between being sad versus being depressed. We all get sad at times, but not everyone struggles with depression.

I’m NOT alone in my struggle with depression and that there are millions just like me who battle depression daily.   Over the years, God has put more and more women and men in my life who understand the struggle of depression.  Each time I meet someone else, there is an instant connection.  You realize they “get it” and that you aren’t the only person who struggles. Many of these individuals have become part of my support system.

IT’S ok to NOT be ok sometimes.  Sometimes I’m just not ok.  I used to get even more depressed about being depressed because I wanted to be able to control it.  Eventually I realized that I couldn’t control it and that sometimes, I just had to accept I’m just not ok at that moment. Over the years I have developed strategies that help me avoid slipping into my depression and others to help me climb out of it faster, but there is a certain sense of peace accepting that it is sometimes just ok to not be ok.

MY experiences can help others when I’m brave enough to share.  In my early 20s, I started sharing a little about my depression.  I worked in the mental health field so it came naturally.  What I started to realize was, the more we share our own experiences, the faster others can realize they aren’t alone. It can also be very therapeutic to ourselves to share our story.

HOW strong I really am.  Sometimes we have to go through some really difficult times to realize how strong we are.  With each depressive episode I get through, I know I am a little stronger. I wish I didn’t have to deal with depression, but since I do, I try to find the positives. One of those positives is just how strong I’ve gotten over the years. I don’t feel strong when I’m going through it, but I have reminders around so I can keep things in perspective during those dark moments.

Has your depression taught you anything?  I’d love to hear what you have learned from your mental health struggles. Remember, we are stronger together. 

***The information shared on this website is not meant to replace professional help, but rather to be educational, sharing personal struggles and experiences and to let you know you are not alone.  If you, or someone you know, is having suicidal thoughts, seek medical attention at your local emergency room or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.***

So, I get emails from people who somehow got my email from some random thing I’m sure I signed up for and forget about! Lol. They often ask if I’m interested in reviewing a book, interviewing a certain person or help them in someway with promoting some cause.  Recently, I was sent an email about reviewing a book called, Put Your Feelings Here: A Creative DBT Journal For Teens With Intense Emotions, by Lisa M. Schab, LCSW.  Since I created a journal to go with my book, Depression Survival Guide, this really peaked my interest, so I agreed!(So far I do these for free, so I am not paid to give this opinion).  

Since I’m a big fan of sharing our feelings and processing them, I am a big fan of most journal-like books and this one is now in that category.  The author has a different activity on each page of the book.  Some pages contain and activity to help the reader to identify their feelings, others give suggestions on how to handle the emotions they are having and others simply have an encouraging and uplifting quote.  There are fun games and pages where the author makes to reader think about their feelings and write them down in different ways throughout the book.  What I loved about this book is the wide variety of activities that the author provides.  Teenagers are known to get bored easily and Lisa mixes it up on each page. 

Throughout the book, the author has activities to assist the teens with understanding the different ways our mind works and how each way contributes and affect how we feel as well as how we deal with those big emotions. The journal allows the reader a safe place to write out their answers and thoughts to to activity that is on each page.

The journal gives the reader the opportunity to draw, color, create dialogs between the reader and their emotions, create lists, practice mindfulness, introduces them to the power of visualization and other activities that help guide them through their own personal journey of understanding their emotions and how to deal with these feelings in a safe and healthy way. 

A few of my favorite activities in the journal are:

*How LOUD is your emotion activity on p. 22 & 23

*Focus Shift activity on p. 34 & 35

*Circle What Feels Relaxing activity p. 76 & 77

*Write a dialogue between you and your emotions on p. 106 & 107

*The Ultimate Category Game on p. 110& 111

*Emotional Mind, Logical Mind, Wise Mind talk bubble activity: P. 116& 117

*Brain Yoga on p. 128 & 129

*Mindful Moment with This Journal p 134 & 135

*Past, Present and Future activity on p. 182 &183

*Wrapping up activity on p. 201 & 202

A trained and licensed social worker, Lisa 

One reason I am a big believer in books like this and journals is the obvious one that it gives individuals a safe place to work through their feelings.  We learn best when we can use more of our senses so by writing down our thoughts, we are increasing the likelihood that this exercises will become the tools and resources the reader needs in order to handle their emotions in the best way possible.   By working their way through the  DBT journal, the teen will give themselves a road map to use when the need to know how to handle and push through those difficult times.  If you think this book would help you, or someone you care about, you can find it on Amazon here.  

Don’t forget to grab a copy of my book, Depression Survival Guide: Your Path to a Joy-Filled Life HERE

Every January, many of us reflect on the year that just passed and begin to look to the year ahead.  Many of us set goals, or make a resolution.  Personally, I don’t like the word resolution because it is usually and “all or nothing” concept or often is used for “giving something up”, whereas goals are easily broken down into smaller steps so we can feel as though we are making progress and they are meant to focus on the improvement or positive change we are looking to make in our lives.  

As I was reflecting on my past year and looking ahead to this new one, I realized just how helpful setting goals helps me manage my depression and how they improve my mental health.  In 2019, my main goal was to get my physical and mental health back on track.  The last decade took it toll on me and I learned just how connected my physical and mental health are and how closely one affects the other.  The key for me was figuring out the balance that works for me as well as learning what changes I needed to make.  I learned how to say “no” and to put myself as the priority.  For years, I put everyone else’s needs in front of my own.  Not because I’m some saint, but because I was a people pleaser and would sacrifice myself to help others.  We are no good to others, unless we start by being good to ourselves.  One of my first posts on this blog was about taking care of ourselves.  You can check it out HERE.

I’m not sure if you set goals each year or not, but I challenge you to sit and think about what you want to achieve in 2020.   Setting goals, and striving towards them, can be a real benefit to your mental health.  I wanted to share the 3 ways setting goals has benefited my mental health. 

1. Setting goals gives us a focus and a purpose.  It is so easy to get caught up in the rat race of life.  Life is busy and can be stressful, and without goal to be working towards, we can easily let day after day just slip by.  By having our goals written down around us and by reading them every morning, we can keep them in the forefront of our thoughts as we go through the day.  Our thoughts can be very powerful and we get bombarded with a lot of negativity each day.  We all have to work hard to focus on the good in the world.   I truly believe the more we flood or brain with positive, uplifting and peaceful thoughts, the easier it becomes to have more of these types of thoughts.  That’s why I love to set goals.  I am so easily distracted, and while I work hard at staying focused, it really helps me to know where I am going and what behavior I am trying to reach or accomplish.  When we don’t have a focus or a purpose, we can so easily run in circles and get nowhere. I find this to be true especially when my depression is bad. It takes all my energy just to get up and shower sometimes, so if I don’t know which direction I am trying to go, I go nowhere! Setting even the smallest goal, can help me at least try to look past my depression and try to do even the smallest step towards that goal.  

2.    It gives us a way of measuring our accomplishments and feeling accomplished when I mind makes us believe we aren’t successful.  To be successful at our goals, we need to break them down.  The further we break them down, the more manageable they become and we can see the reality of succeeding.  For example, one of my goals for this year is to begin to practice yoga daily in order to reduce the stress I internalize.  I realized that yoga also helps lesson the occurrences of my depression.  Instead of simply stating, “My goal is to practice yoga every day,” I can break it down into smaller pieces.  I will start with a goal of 15 minutes a day, 3-4 days a week.  Once I become consistent, I can either add to the days, add to the time, or both.  Either way, I break it down to smaller segments and I also get as specific as I can.  Another goal I have this year is to build up my businesses.  I have set a goal of what I want to succeed in 2020.  Then I have broken down by what I need I need to focus on each day, week and month.   By doing this, we can see how we are doing on  reaching our goals and we will also be more likely to reach these benchmarks towards our main goal.  This will lead to increased confidence and the drive to keep pushing forward even on days we don’t feel like it.  

3.    Goals give us a sense of control in an often uncontrollable world.  We can’t control if our depression or any other mental health struggle decides to rear it’s ugly head for awhile.  Sure, we can do different activities and strategies to help ourselves stay mentally well.  However, this doesn’t always work.  One thing we can control is what we are working towards.  Now, I am the type of person who likes to have multiple goals at a time.  Maybe its my ADD. LOL. All I know is that when I have multiple goals I am working towards, it makes me feel as though I do have some control of my life even if when life feels uncontrollable.  One thing we have the power over is the things we enjoy and what we want to achieve.  When my depression hits, I often feel as though nothing is going right and I have lost control of my feelings.  Having my goals where I can see them and can be reminded of them daily, helps to remind me that it will pass and I still have a lot to live for!

4.  Goals lift us up each time we accomplish one and this helps us to feel good about ourselves and our lives.  A goal can be a something that seems small and insignificant to most people, but for you it is huge! One goal I had in 2019 was to be able to walk for exercise again.  My pain from my fibromalygia had become so intense that I was no longer able to without taking 2 days to recover.  Since I had figured out how to manage that pain better than I had since it began, allowed me to slowly work towards walking 2 miles without having any after affect.  Keep in mind, less than 10 years ago I was training to run marathons so having a goal to walk 2 miles seemed pretty small but for where I was at the time, it was HUGE!  When I walked that first 2 miles and had no pain, I was so excited that I accomplished it that you would have thought I had won the NYC marathon or an Olympic goal medal!! It definitely gave my mental health a positive boost. 

5.   It forces us to look ahead to the future and allow us to dream and plan.  Often, when our mental health is not well, we aren’t able to look too far ahead.  Sometimes we can’t even look an hour ahead, so weeks and months really feel impossible.  When we think about what we want to accomplish and where we want to be in the near future, it allows us to dream and look ahead to where we want to be in some area in our life.  Like I mentioned above, start small and maybe look only into the near future.  Make a small goal for the next day or for the week. Give yourself some quick wins.  Since my fibromalygia has really started to flare and since menopause, I need more sleep and my lifetime habit of going to be at 10pm and getting up at 5am to hit the gym, this has had to change.  Now my goal is to simply get to be by 10pm at the latest so that I am able to wake up by 6am to get my son to school.  I hit the gym after he leaves.  When I started back to exercising regularly, my only goal was to get to the gym by 8am.  I didn’t start right back to where I had been, but started smaller. As I achieved each goal, I adjusted it to walk longer and earlier.  I can now walk 4-5 miles around 5 days a week.  It was definitely a positive boost for my mental health. Plus, exercise helps to decrease my depression which is a win/win. 

Your goals don’t have to be these big, outlandish, life altering goals.  It will all depends on where you are at this very moment.  Maybe your goals right now are to shower 3 days a week, eat a healthy dinner or get our of bed by 10am.  Or, maybe you are feeling really well and your goals are more career oriented or financially oriented. Start where you feel you are emotionally ready.  Start small, accomplish a few things and build from there.   If we set really huge goals when we aren’t mentally well enough, it will only hurt our mental health.  The “goal” of setting goals, is to make sure they are helpful to our mental health.  Many of us struggle daily to keep ourselves where we need to be, so start small and work your way to what feels right. When we are working towards something we want to achieve, it can have a real positive affect on our mental health. I know it helps me with mine, so I’m hoping it helps you too.  

I created a free resource that you can use to set your goals and then break them down to monthly, weekly and daily. I strive to have a goal in six different areas.  They are personal, health, career, family, spiritual and financial.  I listed them out on the visual but you can make your own.  If you aren’t on my email list yet, you can sign up for it HERE.  I sent them out on January 1.  You can also go to my Ending Stigma Together Facebook page HERE and click on the links to get your copies!  I have a lot of exciting things plan for this year to help us end the stigma together.  I hope you will continue to join me on this mission. We are stronger together.

I’ve been rolling around this topic for a blog post for a few months now.  I just wasn’t sure exactly how I should write it, what I should include and if I could make it short enough to not bore people.  I’m not exactly sure if I have it all figured out yet, but I decided to at least start to write on my thoughts as to why trauma is our true national crisis.  I’m convinced that if we as a society would recognize this fact and pushed for the money and resources needed to heal those who have suffered emotional, mental and physical trauma, then we would see a complete shift in all of the other crisis we see being battled every single day on the news.  More and more research is backing up what I have thought for years.   So, let me do my best to share why I feel trauma is the true national crisis we need to be addressing in order to solve most of the others. I could write a book on this topic(and I just might!), but for now, I’ll try to give a snapshot on just why I am so convinced that trauma is our true national crisis. 

One term that is associated with trauma and how it affects future behavior and health is the term, ACE’s. ACE’s in an acronym which stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences.  There are 10 types of childhood traumas that are used to determine an individual’s ACE score.  They are: Physical Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Physical Neglect, Emotional Neglect, Caretaker is and addict, Mom a victim of domestic violence, Family member in jail, Family member with mental illness, and the disappearance of a parent through divorce or abandonment. That’s a lot but you’d be surprised to find out how many people have all of them.  There is more and more research showing how these adverse childhood experiences can have life altering affects on a child and affect them throughout adulthood.  Dr. Nadine Burke Harris has been dedicating her career towards educating other health professionals to be aware of the affects of ACE’s as well as working with the children and families that are being affected.  It is a life changing Ted Talk.  You can listen to her Ted Talk on the affects of ACE’s here to find out some of the other long term health consequences these individual face.  It is not just mental health that is forever altered but also their physical health too. These all become issues that end up affecting us all in society. 

Addiction.  We have been in the throws of an opioid addiction crisis for years now.  Now, I’m not saying everyone who becomes addicted to drugs and alcohol has a traumatic background, or that every person who experiences trauma will become addicted to a substance, but the statistics are now saying that the majority are at high risk. The SAMHSA-HRSA Center for Integrated Solutions states: “In the United States, 61 percent of men and 51 percent of women report exposure to at least one lifetime traumatic event, and 90 percent of clients in public behavioral health care settings have experienced trauma.”  While this does not include every single person who has an addiction, can you imagine if we had the knowledge and resources in our communities to help these individuals who are struggling with a traumatic event? It could really be life changing for the individual and those around them. 

Suicide.  Now, there are many reasons behind suicide and not everyone who dies my suicide or attempts it has had a traumatic event.  However, once again, a childhood or adult traumatic event can increase the probability of an individual dying from suicide. When someone is feeling suicidal, they are in a crisis but it helps to see what to know what that trigger was.  So often it is one of the ACE’s, even in adults.  According to the National Center for PTSD at the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs, studies have shown that past childhood abuse, past sexual abuse or post-traumatic stress disorder are all predictors that an individual is at a higher risk of suicide. You can read more about these findings here. 

Mass shootings.  If you look closely at the history of the majority of mass shooters, there is a traumatic event in their history.  A recent study was released that looked back at every mass shooter the world has had since 1964.  In this study, the researchers found that every single mass shooter in the world was done by individuals who all had some kind of trauma occur in their life. Can you imagine if we had the resources and education to help each of these individuals?  We need to be a village again and help each other raise the children of the next generation.  One person can make a big difference in i person’s life.  Be that person to someone. 

Crime.  Did you know that it has been reported that up to 80% of prisoners spent time in foster care at some point of their life? Or, did you know that by age 17, half of all foster kids will have been arrested?  Fostercare2.org has some stats about this as well as the Alex Smith Foundation. My point is, we have a large population of children who have are coming to the table with a whole lot of trauma and we aren’t  producing enough resources to save them.  The more resources we can give to those who have had a tough start to life, those who have gone through a traumatic event, or are at risk, the quicker we can nurture their ACE’s and change the course of their lives. 

Physical and Mental Health.  Dr. Burke Harris explains in her TED talk how trauma can affect an individual long term health.  Think about it, something that happens to you at age 4 or 5 can actually determine your risk of heart disease, diabetes, and even cancer!!  Unaddressed trauma can change a person’s DNA and set their health on a collision course with diseases.  Unaddressed trauma also significantly increases your odds at dealing with mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, etc.  Addressing and treating the trauma individuals have faced is life changing for that individual as well as all of us.  Go check out Dr. Burke Harris’ talk here.

Foster Care.  Foster care is like the merry-go-round of the effects of trauma and is often the result of the unresolved trauma of the parent who then is unable to care for his/her child.  The child is removed and then enters foster care.  That alone is trauma and this trauma rarely resolves itself quickly even if the child ends up in a loving home.  There are simply not enough resources yet to get every foster child the interventions they need.  So, the child may have ended up in foster care because of unresolved trauma and then the child faces the trauma of ending up in foster care.  Without the right love and resources, the child has a high rate of repeating the cycle.  The mind and body remembers the trauma the individual face even when the individual doesn’t remember on a conscious level. One of the best books I’ve read on explaining how trauma affects an individual is, The Body Keeps Score. You can grab this off of Amazon here.

Trauma changes, literally changes, an individual’s DNA.  It is a scientific theory called, Epigenetics.  This is one reason why we see generation after generation of people making bad decisions.  It is also why trauma increases your risk of deadly diseases.  Things get messed up inside!! There are a few books on Amazon on Epigenetics and the impact it can have on our DNA and you can also find a few videos on YouTube.  You can also find some good books on the subject on Amazon here.

We hear more and more sad stories, yet we still aren’t moving in the right direction. We are ignoring it or waiting for someone else to fix it.

We need to do more.

We need to work together more.

We need to demand more.

Early intervention/education/job/mental health programs need to be where we invest time and money. The faster we can reach those individuals who have experienced trauma, the less chance of them having those long term affects.  The more we invest here, the more these individuals will be able to be successful members of society.  Our healthcare costs would go down, we would begin to feel safer, we would lose less beautiful people from suicide, and we would need less prison cells.  Things would start to change, but until we all recognize how important identifying ACE’s and giving the supports needed to heal, nothing will change.  “If you change nothing, nothing will change.”~Tony Robbins.  We have to change as a society.  We need to invest in each other.  Even those we don’t know.   We can’t wait for the powers that be to fix all of these problems.  It just isn’t on the top of their agenda, so we as a society need to do more for those around us.  We need to be educated to recognize the signs of trauma.  One of the best books I’ve read on the effects of trauma has been, The Body Keeps The Score which you can check out here. We need to have the village mentality society once had.

So ask yourself, “Who can you support today?”