A few months ago, I was scrolling through instagram (instead of being productive), and I stumbled across a post by @upcycledadulting. The person who runs that page posted an idea that I thought was just brilliant so I wanted to share it with others. The holiday season is here and the rush of the season is in full swing. This is also when we focus on everyone except for ourselves. Self-care is so important during this time of year. The post I saw was about a Self-Care Jar that her niece had created in order to help her distress during studying while away at college! Genius! How it was explained was that her niece created the jar with a different self-care ideas on small pieces of paper. Her idea was to be able to have ideas for self-care readily available for when she needed to take some time for herself. I absolutely love this idea! It fits into my love of planning and love of self-care. If you have self-care ideas already written down, they you don’t have to take time to figure out what you want to do. All you need do is go over to the jar, pull out one or two slips of paper, and do what is written down on the slip of paper. Easy!! You know I like easy and I like to plan. I feel both are great strategies to help manage my depression and mental health in general. Simplifying our life leads to less stress. Already having a plan in place, lightens to burden of figuring out what you want or need to do in order to feel better.
Since creating original ideas is not my strong point, I decided to copy this one for myself. As I’ve heard it said before, “It’s ok to be a copy cat. Just be sure to copy the right cat.” So, there is nothing wrong with borrowing a good idea! I thought I’d share some of the self-care ideas I placed in my self-care jar.
*take a walk
*practice yoga
*journal 10 things I’m grateful for
*take a long, hot shower
*have a spa day at home
*read a chapter of a book
*watch a favorite TV show
*wander through the book store
*treat yourself to a pedicure
*eat your favorite healthy meal or snack
Take a few minutes and create your own self-care jar. All you need is a jar or container and some slips of paper to write down your self-care ideas. My jar is a vase from the dollar store and I simply folded sticky notes in half to write down my ideas/suggestions. This is a quick, inexpensive tool that can help us stay focused on our own self-care. Then, when you start feeling stressed and overwhelmed, grab a slip of paper and do whatever is written down on it. You deserve it. No one will take better care of you than yourself. There is no better time than at the start of the busy holiday season to begin some regular self-care.
***The information shared on this website is not meant to replace professional help, but rather to be educational, sharing personal struggles and experiences and to let you know you are not alone. If you, or someone you know, is having suicidal thoughts, seek medical attention at your local emergency room or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.***
The clocks have been turned back an hour. Thanksgiving is quickly approaching with the rest of the hectic holidays coming right behind it. Holiday parties, gift buying and receiving, great food and family. For many, this is an exciting and joyous time of year. They wait for it all year long. For others, it can mean difficult days, depressed moods and a lack of energy among other behavior changes. For those who struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder(SAD), this is the beginning of a very long and difficult 4-6 months. According to the DSM-V, the common symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder are as follows:
A change in appetite, especially a craving for sweet or starchy foods
Weight gain
A heavy feeling in the arms or legs
A drop in energy level
Decreased physical activity
Fatigue
Difficulty concentrating
Irritability
Increased sensitivity to social rejection
Avoidance of social situations
I just couldn’t put a winter picture here so here is one from our condo pool! Sun and Palm Trees make me smile.
It is also noted that an individual’s depression has to occur with a seasonal pattern, ie: every late fall/winter and then dissipate once spring/summer arrives. If you have every experienced SAD, you know how much it can impede one’s daily life during these months. So, short of moving to warm, sunny Florida like I have, what can you do to help relieve these feelings of depression during the cold, dark winter months? I lived in Philadelphia for 37 years and every single winter I got depressed. Even before my non-SAD depression became evident. I got pretty creative with working my way through these months, but it wasn’t easy. I am very thankful our lives helped us move to a warmer climate but if you are “stuck” up north, try a few of these ideas this winter and see how they might help you. According to Psychology Today(insert Link), it is estimated that 10 million Americans struggle with SAD and another 10%-20% have mild SAD. The initial onset is typically between the ages of 18-30 years of age.
First, Talk to your doctor or a therapist. Depression is real and SAD is also very real. It you think you might have SAD, then you should first discuss it with your doctor or a therapist. Medication may be an option to help you or the may have other suggestions for you to try. It is always a good idea to have your bloodwork check and see if your vitamin D levels are good. I have learned over the years that my vitamin D levels run very low. Low vitamin D can affect our moods and increase our risk of depression. The sun gives our bodies vitamin D, but if we live where the sun isn’t out as much or isn’t as bright, it can have a negative effect on our moods. These simple tweaks could make a big difference for you.
Buy a Light Therapy Lamp. This is not something I have ever used, but I was about to buy one when I found out we would be moving to Birmingham, AL. Once there, I realized the winters weren’t as bad for me because the sun was out most days and it rarely dropped below freezing there. Getting more natural light from the sun it always the best option, but on those bitter cold days or those really gray days, that might not be an option. I have quite a few friends who have these lamps and say they are really helpful for helping their SAD. I used to just turn on all of my lights and sit by the window on sunny days! This helped some, but my electric bill was enormous. These light therapy lamps are available on Amazon here, if you want to check them out.
My oldest son with his new coat. He will be studying in Europe next month so he needed a warm jacket!
Invest in warm outerwear. I was a huge snow skier prior to children. Hard to believe since I hate the cold, but it helped me get through those months. I always had warm coats, boots, etc, and then I didn’t. I kept going “economical” when I bought coats and boots because I was trying to be responsible since I was now a mom. Well, it was not worth it. I eventually decided I could not live through winters without outerwear that would keep me from feeling the cold when I absolutely go outside. I bought myself waterproof snow boots with fake fur on the inside. They were SO warm and I even wore them while inside when I didn’t have my slippers on. Oh, be sure to have really warm slippers too. I like the kind that cover my entire foot and go up to my ankles like these HERE. Of course, invest in quality gloves, hat and a nice scarf. We lose most of our heat through our hands, feet and head to keeping them all warm goes a long way.
Make lots of warm, healthy foods. We seem to gravitate towards comfort foods in the cold weather. It can be an easy way to put on some of those extra pounds which can make us feel even worse. I encourage you to find healthy food options but also ones that are on the healthy side. Since I’m a huge believer on healthy food helping us to have a healthier mind, I do my best to stay away from the junk despite the temptation of the cold weather. Homemade soups are my favorite. I make an amazing black bean soup from Rachel Rae’s cookbook. You can find the one I use the most HERE. I also love homemade vegetable soup. I pair both with fresh bread and it will warm up my entire body.
Exercise daily. The problem with exercise and the cold is that I just never felt feel like going outside to go to the gym. I know that this was an issue for many. We also lose our motivation all together. One thing that realized was how important exercise was to my mental health so I began to look for ways to exercise at home. We had an exercise bike at one point and a treadmill. However, you don’t need equipment. With the internet, you can discover all kinds of exercise videos from yoga to kickboxing. If you have read my book, Depression Survival Guide, or read some previous posts, you may know that I am a huge fan of Yoga with Adrienne’s YouTube Channel. You can also grab a few free weights to keep at home for those days you just don’t feel like bracing the elements. Just find something that you enjoy and a way to get your body moving and heated up a bit.
Plan fun, indoor activities and places to go so you have something to look forward to at least once a week. This was something I really didn’t start, or see the advantage of, until after I had kids. It took all of my energy just to get out of the house to go to work or be slightly social. Once I had my first two sons and went from working full time during the day to part time on evenings and weekends, I HAD to find fun things for us to do a few times a week or we would go stir crazy! So, I started finding indoor activities we could do during the day. Going to story time at the local library or bookstore. This was always one of my favorites because the boys could take a book home or a few books if we were at the library. I strived for free or inexpensive ideas and found plenty. Even for just myself, planning to go somewhere to go at least once a week to get out became very important to help me fight my SAD.
I hope some of these practical tips will help you push through this winter. I would love to hear what kinds of activities help you push through the season of SAD. We are stronger together.
Do you have a morning routine or do you just get up and stumble through your morning to get your day started? I have always been a creature of habit and a lover of routines. Sometimes I get teased for my routines, but one thing I have learned is what a positive impact on my mental health having a consistent morning routine can be for me. It took me until later in life to understand that my craving for a routine was directly connected to my depression. I don’t like surprises or unplanned events because I’m not able to mentally prepare myself for those events and as hard as I try, they can trigger my depression. One thing I have always tried to maintain is a consistent morning routine. The last 7 years my physical health and chronic pain issues got me off track and it affected me in every aspect of my life. There is just something about starting the day off the best way you can that will help your mental health and help your day to go smoother.
So, what do I do for my morning routine to start my day off the best way I can? Well, first, I get to be on time the night before. I know that this isn’t a morning activity, but what time I go to bed, will affect what time I wake up and what time I wake up, will affect the rest of my day! For me, getting up early and getting a few things done before the world wakes up, is key to me having a productive and better day. These last 7 years, my health had gotten in the way of this and I let it. This past year, I have been slowly making adjustments and finally getting back to my early morning wake ups that leave me time for early productivity. I’m only waking up at 6am but I’m now staying up for the day. My goal is to get back to a 5am wake up. There is something about getting my day started off early that just sets me off right for the day.
Quiet Time. My morning routine consists of multiple activities. The most important time is having some quiet time. In the early morning silence, my thoughts are clearer, my mind is calmer and not clutter with the business of the day. I meditate and pray in this quiet space for 5-10 minutes. It helps calm my soul and better handle whatever the day throws at me.
Journaling. I always take a few minutes to journal. Sometimes I use a prompt, but usually I simply write what has been bothering me, good things that are happening or goals I am working on. Regardless of what I write each morning, I always finish my journaling with 3 things I’m thankful for and 3 goals I have for that day. Setting intentions first thing in the morning can help you stay on track even when your emotions start to take over. You can also open up your journal and reflect back on the 3 grateful items you have written down each day. This will help me remember the positive things going on in my life and will help me regroup if I am having a bad moment or day.
Affirmations. Honestly, I struggled with saying my affirmations out loud and with emotion when I first started with them. However, I persisted and I can honestly say, they really help! I’ve written about affirmations before and how powerful they can be. Always write them in the first person, so, “I am strong and open to receiving all the blessings that come my way today.” You can incorporate your goals, but always write in present tense. So, if you want to become a best selling author you wouldn’t say, “I will be a best selling author” but say, “I am a best selling author.” Keep it in the present tense so that you will believe it to be true and you will feel more empowered to go after your goals.
Reading. I read a few minutes in the morning. (Shameless plug for my book which you can get here! 💚) Nothing long, but just a few pages. I love to read daily devotional or other books that are broken down into small fragments. Currently, I am still working through the daily inspiration book for Empaths. By reading just a few pages each morning, I ensure I get some good reading in. I have a separate book for my morning reading. It is always something light and an easy read. My brain isn’t awake enough for anything too deep and heavy. The idea is to simply get your brain moving and awake for the day.
Exercise. I LOVE to exercise in the morning. Even if I don’t have time for my other morning activities, I always find time to exercise. Walking outside is my favorite activity in the morning. Watching the sunrise and being in the fresh air simply energizes me. Some mornings I do yoga or simply go to our gym and do some cardio and weight lifting. Whatever you choose, do at least 20 minutes of exercise in the morning to get your blood pumping.
Visualizing. This is a hard one for me and one I often skip. However, I am trying to get better at it because I have heard from so many successful individuals who swear by visualizing what we want and how it will feel to achieve our goals. One thing that has helped me is that I created a vision board. I can look at my goals and this will help me visualize what I want for the day or the future. I also like to visualize feeling calm, peaceful and happy. I know it is powerful, but I just haven’t mastered it, YET. I will. It is just taking a little longer than I would have liked.
I have been an early morning exerciser since I was in college. It’s simply my favorite time to work out and I just love the peacefulness of the morning. However, I got the idea for my expanded morning routine from the book, The Miracle Morning, by Hal Elrod. You can find his book here. The audiobook and e-book are free so go check it out. I actually got to meet him in September at and author’s conference and it was a highlight for me. He uses the acronym SAVERS for the same activities I’ve listed above. It is a great book and an easy read and what helped my “fine tune” my morning routine. I have always exercised in the morning and had some quiet time to get ready for the day, however, I was never consistent with journaling and did not ever incorporate affirmations, visualization or reading. Whatever your morning routine consists of, I just encourage you to have one. Even getting up just 10 minutes early can make a huge difference on your day and keeping your mental health more aligned with your physical health. We live in such a busy, chaotic society now. This can work great for some, but too many of us are slowly wilting because we don’t slow down and take care of our minds and bodies. We have to take the time. We have to put our mental health first and make it a priority. If you don’t have a morning routine to start your day, take a few minutes and figure out one or two activities you can add that would help your day start off on a positive and prepare your brain for the day. It really does make a difference. As always, I’d love to hear any activities you have in your morning routine.
Graduating high school and heading to college, trade school or employment is a stressful time for most teens but it can be even more difficult for those who have struggled with their mental health. This transition was especially difficult for me. I didn’t fully realize when I went away to college that change was difficult for me or even that I struggled with depression. Depression wasn’t a “thing” that was discussed with teens when I graduated high school in 1986. What I quickly learned is that I was not mentally prepared for all of the stress this transition was going to cause me. You seem my parents didn’t go away to college. My dad went away to Vietnam at age 20 and my mom went to college after having her 4 children. They had no reference to even put in the supports or coping skills we would need under even the best circumstances. So, since I learned the hard way(and literally nearly killed me in the process!), I wanted to be sure my sons would have to necessary skills and coping techniques needed for this transition as well as protecting their mental health. You see, my one son has severe ADHD which can also cause anxiety and my other son has High Functioning Autism. I wanted them to succeed and succeed in a big way. I wanted them to thrive and soar academically, socially and emotionally. I wanted to share the strategies we have used which let to them both having an incredibly successful transition from high school to college.
Build up their supports beforehand. I think almost every college has a counseling center now. When we toured their college, we stopped by the one on campus and asked them how their services worked. My sons knew where it was located and how to schedule and appointment if needed. We also went to the Health Center to confirm that the doctors there would be able to prescribe their medications and what we needed to do before they started. We made sure we had all of the needed paperwork signed and submitted so that they would be ready to go from day 1. This way they don’t have to try to figure it out. There is nothing worse than your child running out of medication and not knowing how to get more! Even if they aren’t going away to college, be sure they know how this entire process works and start slowly letting them handle all of it so they can make this transition successfully.
Start backing off. What do I mean by this? I recommend pulling back on some of the chores they will have to juggle while away at least a year in advance of them leaving for college, the military, or even getting their own place. Whether it’s doing their own laundry or cooking a few meals, start letting them do more and more. While they are away at school, they will need to be able juggle all of these chores as well as a social life and academics. The sooner they learn how to do each of these chores, the easier it will be for them to juggle all of these aspects without getting too stressed out. There is nothing more stressful than trying to learn a ton of life stuff, plus adjust to a new environment, meet new people and taking classes. The key is to eliminate as much stress as we can for them to make sure they can focus on their mental health and the exciting parts of college.
Make sure they have an outlet that will help them de-stress and keep their brain health in a good place. We need to make sure they will have a healthy way to de-stress and cope with the pressure of post-high school life so they don’t turn to using drugs and alcohol to cope or, feel as though they aren’t able to cope any longer. For my boys, working out is a main one. We spent extra time in the University Fitness center. Having a great space for working out was critical for them because they know how much exercise helps their brain health. Both also played club sports which helped to keep them healthy. Maybe your child isn’t into athletics or hitting the gym. That’s ok. Maybe introduce walking outside, yoga, coloring/sketching, meditating/mindfulness, or some other activity that’s is a healthy way to keep their stress under control.
Teach them how to meal prep or how to make quick and easy nutritious meals. Young adults at college or working are just starting out and they are notorious for eating cheap and unhealthy food such as pizza and Ramen Noodles. Now, there is nothing wrong with food like this now and then, but day in and day out, your body and mind will start to feel lit. I made sure my sons knew how to cook a few healthy dishes and also got them a slow cooker. They can pop in a meal that was pre-made by us earlier and that they had in the freezer. Even just some grilled chicken and veggies is a quick and healthy meal for a busy young adult. The healthier they eat, the healthier they will be and the better they will handle their transition. Our mental health is directly affected by our nutrition. It is important to make sure our children understand that what they eat will be important for maintaining good mental health.
Tell them they can call or text at any hour of the day. My sons text me at normal hours as well as in the middle of the night. I want them to know that I am there for them at any hour. They also know they can text my sisters and my brother. They have their tribe and know who they can reach out to regardless of the hour of day. It can be anyone. It can be a coach, neighbor relative or anyone they feel supports them. It’s good to have a backup if the parent isn’t available. They may need some extra support during this transition so just let them know that they are still able to reach out and talk or text anytime. It’s an exciting time, but it can also be a little scary. Just because they are legally adults, doesn’t mean they don’t still need us as support. Ensure them you are there for them. Just knowing this is often all the support they need to have.
Sit down together and explore the clubs and activities at their new school if they are going to college. Before both of my boys started at their university, we sat down and looked at all of the clubs and activities that were available on campus. They each picked out a few that they were going to try to join once on campus. With social media, they were able to connect to the corresponding social media pages and reach out to members in the group. This was very helpful because they had a plan to put into place once they started at school. It was extremely helpful in their successful transition. If they aren’t going the college route, then sit down with them and try to find some area activities they can join. It can be very isolating after graduating high school. People move one, social lives change and it can be a challenge finding a way to keep a good social life. Many of our kids need a little extra support during this transition.
Join all of the social media pages for the university your child will be attending. Most have a parents page too. These can be helpful for both of you. As a parent, you can ask questions from seasoned parents and get tips and ideas or answers to any questions you or your child might be having regarding starting college. We found this a helpful way to find out information about the school that you don’t always get on the tours. This way, you can put a plan in place if something comes up that might be stressful to your child. You may even meet some local moms who are willing to be a support in an emergency or difficult time. The more information you and your child can have before this new adventure, the smoother the transition will be.
I hope some of these tips are helpful to you and your child. I am such a big believer in planning and being prepared for what could lie ahead. By having a plan in place, we can simply make any transition easier our kids. Parenting doesn’t stop at 18. It is a lifelong process. Supporting them through this transition will make it smoother for all of us.
I hate change. Seriously, as hard as I try, I just really have trouble embracing it. I don’t even like the change of seasons. I absolutely love living in Florida where I don’t even have to worry about that simple and predictable change. I’ve gotten grief over the years for fighting change. I know that in order to grow and thrive, we need to change and learn to embrace it on some level. I have learned to embrace planned and expected changes. So, now that I’m a full fledged grown up, I have figured out that I am ok with change when I have time to prepare. If I have proper warning and can mentally and physically prepare for the change, then I can “roll”with it. However, unexpected change is still very difficult and disruptive to my body rhythms. I know it is ridiculous that this is something I still struggle with, but it just is. What I have come to realize though, is that I can plan for unexpected changes too! I’ve always been a planner. It just took me years to fully grasp the reasons why I love to plan. I love to plan, because I hate surprises. I hate unexpected change. I hate not knowing what is going to happen next. Can I do this all the time? No. Do my plans always work? Of course not. Does it give me peace of mind and peace in my heart when I plan and do what I need to do to prepare for changes? Yes, yes it does.
So, how does this play into mental health? Well, those of us with depression, anxiety, OCD, etc, function best when we have some control over our environment. Our minds and bodies are very sensitive to outside stimulus. If we don’t think ahead and plan ahead, we can really be thrown off for the rest of the day or even longer. I have realized that when I have strategies in place and think through possible scenarios and then come up with a plan to help me navigate the unexpected change that has occurred. For me, it’s not that I simply don’t like change. My mind just takes longer to transition and adjust to change. I need it to happen slowly so I can process it. I also process things slower. My brain can’t change and adjust quickly. When I get overwhelmed, my depression can get triggered. My anxiety can get triggered. This is why change is so hard for me and for many of us. Please don’t judge. Please don’t criticize. Most of us who hate change is because it is super hard for us. It is hard for our body and hard for our brain. We want to be able to roll with life and go with the flow. However, change is hard for me and many of my friends who also battle depression. So, instead of telling those of us who struggle with change that “change is part of life”, or that we need to “just learn to roll with it”, try asking us how you can support us during this time. Be patient as we get through it, even if it is messy. Don’t judge us but understand that we are doing the best we can and that it isn’t just the change we are dealing with, but also making sure we are able to keep our mental health in check during these unexpected, and expected, changes. If we could just flip a switch and make this happen, we would. Unfortunately, it just isn’t that easy.
