Ending Stigma Together

Social media can get a bad rap from many individuals.  You see articles almost weekly sharing all the negative things about it.  I have seen groups for “screen free” parenting. There are even studies that show it can aggravate one’s depression, anxiety or other mental health issue.  While I’m not disputing these studies or that social media can have a negative impact on many, I do want to share the positives affects that social media has had on my mental health and that of many of my friends.  You see, I don’t believe it is social media itself that can be negative, but rather, how we use it and incorporate it into our lives.  We need to be aware of topics that can trigger our mental health and simply stay away from those pages.  We need to be aware of the positives we receive from social media and focus on those areas instead and use them to build us up. Of course, we always need to protect our children and teach them the proper way to use social media.  However, since it has been more of a help for me,   I thought I would share a few of the positive effects various social media has had on my mental health and how it actually can help your mental health.

1. It makes it easier to keep in touch with our friends and family.  This was the first benefit I realized social media could do for me.  It was so difficult to keep in touch with everyone you wanted to before we had social media and cell phones.  Life gets busy, people move and years fly by.  At my 40th birthday celebration, two of my college roommates had already joined Facebook.  They told me how they had connected with many of our college friends with whom we had all lost touch.  So, I took the plunge and never looked back.  For me, it has been wonderful to not only connect with old friends, but also others that I grew up with who I may not have been friends with growing up by have been able to develop adult relationships with these individuals.  I love seeing the pictures of the adventures of their lives, their children or sharing exciting milestones. It has also allowed me to share our challenges and triumphs.  I believe in keeping it real and often by sharing our struggles, I have inspired others to share theirs.  I just really the increased communication that social media has allowed me to have. 

1. Different groups/pages that connect us with other that have similar interests or challenges.  One thing that has really been a benefit for me, are the various groups and pages that are on social media.  I follow many mental health accounts on Instagram and twitter.  One facebook I have joined many groups that have offered support to challenges we have had in our life that none of my friends or family could really understand since they were situational.  For years I was a member of a group for parents who had a child or children, with severe attachment issues.  This was my first realization about how helpful, supportive and educational the right groups could be.  We were going through some real struggles with our son who we had adopted from foster care and had very little options for support in our community.  Connecting with these other parents allowed me to learn tips and techniques to help him as well as realizing we were good parents and that the issues were from his emotional trauma.  These groups may have helped us learn how to help him heal more than any professional counselor every did. On Pinterest I am part of a page called, All Things Mental Health.  We all post our blog posts or other interesting articles on mental health.  I also have two business pages on Facebook and Instagram. One for my blog and one for my direct sales business.  This has allowed me to connect with others I would never have met otherwise.  It has allowed me to save some time and also allows me to still do some work on days that my mind and body may not be cooperating.   So, for me, all social media has helped me connect with others on many levels. 

1. Allows us to learn new information and gain more knowledge.  I love to learn.  I am always reading non-fiction books, news articles, blog posts, and anything I can find that is interesting for me.  Since I follow so many accounts and pages on topics that interest me or are important to my life, I learn a lot from the various articles and stories shared.   What I like about this is that I can easily access so much information from my home and I can continue to learn more on the subjects that are near and dear to my heart.  I have learned a lot more on plant based eating than I would at the local library by following pages with this focus.  I learn a lot about the current crisis of our mental health system and what others are doing to help improve it and to also end the stigma.  By increasing my knowledge on many subjects, I also increase my confidence. 

1. We can connect with others and gain new friendships.  Ok, I know we warn our kids about meeting people online and I think that is with good reason.  However, I have been able to meet so many amazing women through the various groups I’ve become part of online.  I am in a group for my self-publishing, my Mary Kay business, the university parent’s page for the school where my sons’ attend and of course, a few that surround mental health.  I have met some amazing individuals who understand many of my struggles.  It has been a great sense of strength and support to not only talk with these individual but to also offer them support and guidance from my own experiences.  It feels great to realize some of your struggles can help someone else who is going through the same thing you have gone through previously.  

1. There are business opportunities that can allow you to work from home or run a side hustle.   This has been a huge asset for me.  My physical and mental health are where working a traditional job out of the home is simply too much for me.  I was able to handle it when I was single and had no children, but adding taking care of others, it is just too much.  That, plus now being 51 and having bad fibromyalgia and neuropathy, I realized I need to switch my focus for my career.  I’m now slowly building up my writing and my direct sales business in hopes of making a solid income with both by next summer.  The connections I’ve made online and the resources I have been able to access, have been invaluable for me.  It allows me to learn, work and broaden my horizons even on days when my depression and physical health are not up to par.  

So, while social media can get a bad rap, I have found many positive aspects of it that have helped to support my mental health.  I’d love to hear your thoughts and if you have found any benefits to the world of social media.                                                                                                                                                            

Last month I received a request to review a book geared towards Empaths.  The concept of being an empath is still relatively new to me.  I only learned this concept about a year ago through a friend’s facebook post.  Now, we all have empathic traits.  Those who consider themselves to be an Empath, simply have all of these traits and to a very strong degree.  So what is an empath? According to Merriam-Webster, an empath is one who experiences the emotions of others : a person who has empathy for others. Empaths do more than just empathize with others. They can actually feel the emotional pain or joy of those around them.  As I began to explore this concept more, I realized that I clearly fit into this category.  So, I was excited to read the book that was sent to me. The book is titled, Thriving As An Empath: 365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People, by Dr. Judith Orloff, MD.

Dr. Judith Orloff, MD, is a well know expert on empaths and how to guide them to live their best life.  You can go to her website HERE and take her quiz to see if you are an empath.  Almost all of us are part empath.  It seems to be hard to be a decent human being without some of these traits. However, what separates an empath from non-empaths is that they fully feel the emotions and feelings of those around them and often take it on essentially draining themselves. She also has a Facebook group you can request to join.  It is a support group of sorts of individuals who share the characteristics of empaths.  Since it is a new concept to me, I have found many of the posts and questions refreshing realizing that many of the emotional challenges I have faced in life or the things I need, such as alone time, aren’t that out of the ordinary.  There are many others who feel the same.

So, the book. Thriving as an Empath is sort of a devotional of sorts.  It is broken down by each day of the year.  Because of the way it is set up, I didn’t read it cover to cover as one would with a typical novel or non-fiction book.  Instead, I spent the last few weeks reading along daily and I also skipped around and randomly read a few of the passages.  The one thing I really loved was at the bottom of each daily passage, Dr. Orloff include and affirmation for that day for the reader to say.  I have become a huge fan of positive affirmations over the last couple of years and truly believe in the power they can have.  She refers to them as, “set your intention” for the day. For example, the intention the reader is suggested to set today is, “I will keep awakening to my best self.  I will not see myself as inferior or superior to anyone.  I am enough by simply being me.”  I just love that! Each of these intentions follow a short passage.  The one for today is titled, I Am Enough.  Yesterday was my birthday so when I received the book and saw how it was designed, I immediately flipped to my birthday to see what that reading was about.   It is titled, Baby Steps.  One line that really struck me was, “Being in a hurry exhausts me.  It also causes me to make mistakes.  I know how wonderful it feels to be comfortable with my measured pace.”  This is exactly how I feel. Each day has a different topic, and short reading(less than one page) and ends with a powerful intention.  I have really been enjoying reading each short passage daily and realizing many of my emotional traits are shared with others.  Each day I read, I learn a little something new.  If you think you are an empath or just want to learn more, I highly recommend this book as well as Dr. Judith Orloff’s Facebook Group.  It might give you some deeper insight on your feelings and understanding our feelings, ultimately helps us manage our mental health. 

I went to church on Sunday.  The message was about not giving up even during the hard times in life because sometimes God is molding us into who we need to be in order to make a larger impact on the world.  Whether you are a believer in God or not, I thought there were some great takeaways that are applicable to all of our lives.  The ironic thing about the message was that I happened to wear my “Never Give Up” earrings!  I have some big life and business goals that I am working hard towards and felt I needed that reminder this morning.  What a pleasant surprise to hear the message giving me the same reminder.  I will share the 3 main points shared by the pastor.  I truly believe they are applicable to all of us in whatever stage of life, or challenge we may be facing.  I hope you find them encouraging. 

*Don’t give up even if it starts off poorly.  We as a society quit too soon.  Life will happen.  We will stumble and fall.  It will often feel as if the world is against us getting ahead or to where we want to be.  Sometimes our depression or anxiety will get in the way and cause us to stumble or fall.  Maybe we are having trouble feeling motivated or we are getting discouraged because we just can’t seem to get things going in the right direction.  We need to keep going.  We have gotten so used to having all the answers we need at our fingertips thanks to google!  We feel we should be able to handle every situation perfectly and successfully. Unfortunately, life doesn’t happen perfectly.  Social media can be misleading and we can think that others are not experiencing poor starts.  They do. We all do.  Keep going.  Don’t give up too soon.  Don’t give up at all.

*Don’t give up even when you face some big obstacles.  Every successful person has faced obstacles when creating their success.  We just don’t see them.  For those of us with mental health struggles, we can often blame ourselves, or have more bad days than good compared to our peers and we can begin to believe that it is something wrong with us or we just aren’t strong enough to overcome these obstacles.  You are! We all are!  Some of us just need to find a creative way to adjust in order to overcome the obstacles we face.  Here’s the thing about obstacles: they make us stronger and smarter!  We learn how to overcome them and go around them so the next time we face them, we won’t hesitate to push through them.  They are there to teach us something.  Figure out what that is as you push through them.  Our response to these obstacles will determine our future.  Don’t give up when you face those big obstacles. 

*Don’t give up even if it takes a long time. We have become very impatient.  We see so many “quick” successes online, on social media, on TV and we think all of life should happen this way and we must be doing something wrong.  For some of us, our goals and dreams might just take longer because we are not quite ready for the success that will come.  Maybe we have to become stronger or learn more.  Sometimes when our dreams or goals don’t happen quickly, we think that maybe we were on the wrong path.  We might even think our dreams are dead when they are really only delayed.  So, when things are taking longer than you want them to, don’t give up. Give it more time.

What does all of this have to do with mental health? Well, I know many of us struggle on a daily basis to keep our health where it needs to be.  When you struggle with depression, or any mental illness, life can be exhausting when we are trying to create success because sometimes just getting through the day takes all of our energy.  We need to keep going.  We need to not give up if it is important to us, or a goal we have or a dream we want to make a reality.   One thing I have learned to accept is that almost everything takes me longer than others.  I learn slower, I work a little slower because it takes me longer to process information and some days my brain is struggling just to stay in the light and out of the darkness of depression.  That’s ok.  I know that my timeline is going to be different than others and I have learned that if I keep moving towards a goal or a dream, if I bust through the obstacles and if I ignore any poor starts, I will get there and I will overcome.  What every you do in life, don’t ever give up.  

Yesterday was World Mental Mental Health Day.  I’m a day late as always!  I try to stay on top of things like this.  I even have many written down in my datebook.  The problem is, I so often forget to look at my datebook! Just a day in the life of someone with ADD!   I know some  people don’t really care for days like these, whether it’s Autism Awareness,  Breast Cancer Awareness or something else. However, I really like them for many reasons.  I like to see the positives that these awareness days can create and see them as an opportunity to talk about the issue that they are recognizing.  I can understand why some see them as a negative.  As a society, we tend to take things too far and commercialize them as a way to make money instead of raising awareness.  But, here’s what I think…I think that each year we recognize any issue, the more people will begin to think about them, learn about them and slowly begin to become more empathetic towards them.

We have a mental health crisis in the United States and around much of the world.  Hence the reason for a WORLD Mental Health Awareness Day. What I love about this is that the international community is really starting to talk about mental health.  Whether it’s depression, anxiety or another mental health issue, we are talking more.  Prince Harry and Prince William started a campaign a few years ago to openly discuss mental health and try to end the stigma.  I’ve never been a royal family watcher, but these two young men are doing a small part in getting the conversations started.  Prince Harry and Ed Sherran created a short video for World Mental Health Awareness Day.  You can watch it here.  

Whether you like the “awareness days” or not, they start conversations.  They bring awareness to many who otherwise don’t think about the issue at hand.  Often, they give those who are struggling the confidence and strength to speak up for the first time.  If there is a Mental Health Awareness Day, then it must be something that I can be comfortable discussing and at the end of the day, this is what we all want. Let’s use these designated days as a springboard to start discussions.  Let’s use these days to continue to raise awareness.   Let’s use these days to support those around us who live with the cause they are recognizing and make the world a better place for it.  So for mental health awareness, lets talk. Talk about the struggle we all have.  Share how we overcome and push through despite them.  Let’s remember that we ALL have mental health just like we all have physical health. Sometimes our body gets ill with the flu. Sometimes our brain gets ill with depression.  It’s no different, so it is time we stop thinking it is.  Our brain is an organ and we need to give it the attention and care that it needs.  We will all be better for it. Society will be better for it.  

I hate to cook.  Truly, I find no joy in it and could live happily eating salads, fruit, chips and salsa and orange juice.  I could easily live without an oven if I lived alone.  This was quite a   struggle when all 4 of my sons were younger and living at home.  You see, boy want to eat  every single day at every waking moment!  What made it even more stressful was juggling making health meals with their busy schedules.  It was stressful and never enjoyable.  When I feel too stressed, it can trigger my depression.  So, I had to do something else. I needed a system that would allow me to feed my sons healthy meals and also didn’t add to my stress.  This was incredibly needed once I returned to work full time in January 2013.  In all honesty, raising 4 sons and working full time was horrible for my mental health which is why I now work from home.  However, it took me a few years to realize this and during that time, I had to come up with different ways to help reduce the stress. One of my favorite ways was to meal plan and meal prep on the weekends.  Most people think of “weight loss” or “sports training” when they hear the term meal prep.  It is great for these reasons too.  This was a game changer for me for multiple reasons.  Not only did it help alleviate the stress of cooking each night, I realized these meals came in handy on the days my mental health simple prevented me from functioning much more above the bare minimum of what I absolutely had to do.  By meal prepping, I was able to always have something healthy and delicious ready to eat. All I had to do is heat it up or serve it.  There is nothing worse than being beaten down from your day at work, struggling with your mental health and still having to be a good parent! Meal prepping ahead of time, will make these types of days a little easier.

So, how do I meal prep?  I think everyone who meal preps has their own style or system so look at other ideas and incorporate what will work best for you.   Here is what I typically do each week when I meal prep.  Now that I only have 1 son home for dinner each night, I don’t do a whole lot or prepping any longer but I do still plan out our meals. The first thing I do is decide which day/evening I will use for planning the meals, when I will shop for the food and which day I will prep the meals.  Typically, you want to have your shopping day and your prepping day within 24 hours of each other. That way you don’t waste any of the food by forgetting about it or not storing it correctly.  For me, my schedule looks like this:

Pretty simple.  It may look like a lot, but it will save you so much time, energy and stress during the week the more you prepare for it. One of the best things a person can do for your mental health is to reduce stress in the areas of your life that you control.   Most of us can’t even control when our brain will start struggling again.  This is why I am such a big believer in planning out our activities and also believe that planning to control the things in our lives that we can, will help lessen the stress and triggers when we are being affected by something we can not control.  So, while meal planning and prep may seem like a lot of work, think of it reducing a lot of stress. Now, if you are working around others’ schedules or work weekends, this schedule might need to be revised.  This is just an example of what I use and have found to work best with our lives. 

Often, I would enlist my sons to help with the chopping and prepping of the meals.  Most Sunday afternoons we had free when they were younger.  We were living outside of Birmingham, AL which is the heart of the Bible Belt.  There just weren’t many activities schedule on the  Sunday.  It made it easer to meal prep on that day!  Get the family involved with helping.  This will add to your positive mental health because our brains crave human interaction.  Especially our little ones!  

Another great benefit of meal prepping for me is having nutritional meals ready for when I have a bad day or am just too exhausted to make anything. When all the boys were little and still living at home, I would also make up a few meals a month and put them in the freezer. That way I always had something healthy to make for them for dinner. You can also check out my friend’s blog post on meal planning over on her blog, Reclaiming The Smile.  She has a few tips on how to meal plan around sales.  I’m just not that organized or disciplined.  Lol. I plan meals on what I am in the mood for or what food kick I am currently on at the moment!  The important thing is, to do what works for you and make it your own.  The one thing meal planning shouldn’t do is cause you stress. Have fun with it.  Try for a few weeks and see if it helps you.  Life is busy.  This can be a real asset.